This Week in Sexy Games: Mass Effect (A Look Back)

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Remember that time Fox News made a giant spectacle of the original game’s “explicit sex scenes” that would ruin children and turn them into sexual deviants and rape every man, woman and child in sight?!

I do. I wish I didn’t.

Mass Effect is easily one of my favourite franchises of all-time. As of writing this article, I’m pretty sure it falls into the #2 spot behind Final Fantasy. It’s a game that encompasses everything I enjoy playing in video games. Lots of action, great storylines, fully fleshed out characters, a little bit of comedy thrown in and most importantly…TONS OF SEXY LADIES!!! *cue rave music*

Ahem! In all seriousness though, the games are fantastic works of art (because yes, video games are art, suck it parents, politicans and especially you, Jack Thompson) and deserve to be put up on a pedestal as one of the best written and built games of the past 10 years.

It of course, didn’t come without its share of “controversy” though.

The first game really rubbed the Christian Conservative Crazies the wrong way when kids (cause y’know the game wasn’t rated M for mature or anything…) could easily access lesbian sex scenes with full-frontal nudity. Even though it wasn’t full-frontal nudity, the best we’ve ever gotten is some Liara or Ashley side boob in the original game. It’s amazing how that scene pissed off a lot of people, yet I heard far less when seeing Cassandra‘s nipples or even Dorian‘s bare ass in Dragon Age: Inquisition. Also…YOU HAD TO PLAY THE GAME FOR OVER 50 HOURS TO EVEN SEE THAT SCENE!!! They even made claims that you controlled every action during that scene. Ah…professional journalism at its finest.

They half got what they wanted though in Mass Effect 2, there was no nudity at all. But BioWare certainly got their revenge in the third installment. “Oh what’s that? You don’t like our sex scenes? You know what’ll make us all come to a compromise? GAY SEX!!!”. And we got the Shepard/Cortez romance. I only mention that as gay sex because let’s be honest, a lot of men are fucking hypocritical by saying they’re against homosexuality, but you know they have zero issue watching two hot girls going at it.

So moving along from the controversy, I guess all that’s left is recalling my favourite moments that fall into the sexy category. Well I suppose we have to start with Miranda‘s ass, it’s not like you can get away from it, it IS glorious. Already mentioning Liara side boob from the original, she’s animated unbelievably beautifully in the 3rd game, it’s impossible not to stare at Liara and her perfect body/skin. Last but not least, I also enjoyed the far underrated Samantha Traynor. If I wasn’t already attached to Liara and/or Tali, she’d be up there. But you’re an ass kicking space marine, you gotta give the aliens your love first, it’s a rule!

In terms of things I wish we got though, I really wish we’d gotten a little more Kasumi, I absolutely adored her in the 2nd and 3rd games. Maybe a little more of Samara as well, after all Liara proved just how stunningly beautiful the Asari truly are. At the very least though, I’m glad there was no EDI romance scene, robots might’ve crossed the line for me if that’d happened.

The best part about all these romance scenes though? They almost all had a ton of emotion and meaning into it. It wasn’t just sex for the sake of sex (I’m looking directly at you, Ride to Hell: Retribution, you steaming pile of rapey sexist shit!), there was a strong bond that developed between the characters, the war they were fighting added to the drama of it and when the kiss finally happened, it meant something. And if it’s a relationship that carried on to the next game, it meant even more, you were rewarded with the admission from the game that you worked to develop that relationship, it wasn’t just forgotten and lost in translation.

Mass Effect does a wonderful job at handling romance and sex in video games. But Fox News is right, all they really did though is cause a bunch of minors to turn into rapists and sexual deviants.

You fucking idiots…*facepalm*

 

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