Tomorrow is the day of three separate SERIOUS awards shows here at Radical Rants. So with the nature of a lot of my articles this year, I thought it’d be fun to have a silly, very non-serious awards show where I nominate and pick a winner about all things SEXY!
Again this is meant to be fun and jokes, if you want to take this the sexist, SJW route, be my guest, but like I’ve said in many of the articles I’ve posted these past two months, I really don’t care what you have to say. This is all purely fantasy in my own head and for the majority of the things I’m talking about in this awards show, I cannot act on those fantasies, while the rest that are in reality I will not act on them. Why? Cause I actually have self-control. Who knew such a thing existed?
So there are rules with this award show. Obviously as with any awards show, this is purely subjective and based off of my own preferences. Not to mention there’s a lot of media out there I don’t or haven’t consumed, so if someone is missing on the nominees list, it may just be because I haven’t watched/played the piece of media they’re from.
And based on the fact that I’m heterosexual, the awards being given out will be featuring female characters. Sorry, can’t help what I’m into. ^_^
Anyways, let’s get on with the show!
Sexiest Actress of the Year
- Amanda Seyfried
- Emma Stone
- Jennifer Lawrence – WINNER
- Margot Robbie
- Scarlett Johansson
It’s kind of funny to me that of all the people to pick as the winner, it’s the one person that I have barely ever seen a movie of her in. The only movies I’ve seen her in (that I can think of) are the newer X-Men films. I don’t care for the Hunger Games and I didn’t end up watching American Hustle when it was out. But Jennifer’s got such a wonderful personality (her marking out to Jeff Bridges did it for me) and at least to me, she doesn’t come off like she’s marketed as the hottest girl on the silver screen like someone such as Megan Fox. Instead, she’s a really pretty girl that I just can’t take my eyes off of.
Sexiest Wrestler of the Year
- Alexa Bliss
- Becky Lynch – WINNER
- Sasha Banks
This’ll likely piss off a ton of Sasha Banks fans, but Becky’s my go-to this year. It’s sad to me that other than Bayley, who’s still waiting her main roster call-up, Becky’s the odd one out of the Four Horsewomen, she’s really not doing much of anything. But for me, Becky’s easily the prettiest of the four of them, Sasha a very close second. To put her up to the #1 spot, I can’t help but love the orange hair and steampunk-like getup. She’s very reminiscent of Leeloo from Fifth Element. And then her bubbly personality (yes, that includes all her puns) are just freaking adorable. I can’t not pick her.
Sexiest Gaming Moment
- Almost menage a trois (The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt) – WINNER
- Ciri and Co. in the bathhouse (The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt)
- Jessica in her underwear (Until Dawn)
- Triss romance scene (The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt)
- Yennifer romance scene (The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt)
This is pretty straightforward, is it not? The two prettiest love interests for Geralt in the same room, in their underwear and looking like they’re about to show you the greatest night one could ever have. It’s foolproof! Well, except for the cocktease that it was, with Geralt getting his just rewards. I nearly ended up picking Ciri’s bathhouse scene, she really came off looking like a goddess then, but mathematically two is better than one, so…we have our winner.
Sexiest Overall Video Game
- Guilty Gear Xrd -SIGN-
- Mortal Kombat X
- Omega Quintet
- The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt – WINNER
- Until Dawn
Kind of a no-brainer. Tons of sex scenes, lots of nudity, there’s not really anything else I’ve played this year that has remotely anywhere near what Witcher 3 offered.
Most Beautiful Video Game Character of the Year
- Amanda Holliday (Destiny: The Taken King)
- Barbara Gordon (Batman: Arkham Knight)
- Cait (Fallout 4)
- May (Guilty Gear Xrd -SIGN-)
- Ciri (The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt) – WINNER
Another no-brainer for me. The moment I saw Ciri for the first time, she came off very angelic, again like a goddess. The bathhouse scene put the final nail in that coffin, when the scars barely make your eyes move off of her and they still don’t make you think any less of how beautiful her skin is, you’ve got a winner right there.
Sexiest Video Game Character of the Year
- Catwoman (Batman: Arkham Knight)
- Cidney (Final Fantasy XV Demo) – WINNER
- Ramlethal Valentine (Guilty Gear Xrd -SIGN-)
- Jessica (Until Dawn)
- Triss Merigold (The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt)
People may disagree on this one (mainly cause she’s from a demo, not a released game), but there is no one I saw this year that made me look up screenshots and artwork faster than Cidney. She is drop dead fucking gorgeous and I cannot wait for Final Fantasy XV to get released so I can see more of this wonderful girl. The accent too, man…it draws you in.
Sexiest Anime Moment
- Smith’s ass while in her underwear (Monster Musume no Iru Nichijou)
- Izumi/Ui at the end of Episode 11 (My Wife is the Student Council President)
- *SPOILERS* (Shimoneta: A Boring World Where the Concept of Dirty Jokes Doesn’t Exist) – WINNER
- Basically half of the entire show (Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid)
- The many, many times two girls ended up kissing, regardless of who’s in their bodies (Yamada-Kun and the Seven Witches)
Is it not obvious that moment would be the one. I guess you could say the entire mechanics of Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid could beat it, but that moment in Shimoneta comes out of fucking nowhere and holy shit is it ever intense. I was thrown off-guard in multiple aspects during that scene. Goddamn, man!
Sexiest Harem Anime Series
- Actually, I Am
- Is It Wrong To Try To Pick Up Girls In A Dungeon?
- Monster Musume no Iru Nichijou – WINNER
- Saekano: How To Raise A Boring Girlfriend
- Yamada-Kun and the Seven Witches
It’s a little weird for me to give a monster girl anime this award, but no matter how much I try to deny it, Monster Musume is the sexiest harem anime I’ve watched this year by a country freaking mile. Anything involving Suu alone is probably enough to accomplish this as well, so when you mix all the other innuendos and such together, it’s impossible not to pick it.
Sexiest Overall Anime Series
- Monster Musume no Iru Nichijou
- Punch Line
- Shimoneta: A Boring World Where the Concept of Dirty Jokes Doesn’t Exist – WINNER
- Sky Wizards Academy
- Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid
It’s an entire anime based around dirty jokes and sexual innuendos, it’s really hard not to give the award to Shimoneta. But aside from all the jokes, innuendos and the scene that won the Sexiest Anime Moment as well, the series is still absolutely hilarious to watch, if you can of course get past all the sexual content.
Most Beautiful Anime Character of the Year
- Akane Sakurada (Castle Town Dandelion)
- Eriri Spencer Sawamura (Saekano: How To Raise A Boring Girlfriend)
- Kuon (Utawarerumono: Itsuwari no Kamen) – WINNER
- Misora Whitale (Sky Wizards Academy)
- Miyabi Itou (Yamada-Kun and the Seven Witches)
All five nominees are wonderful picks for this award, you really can’t go wrong with any of them, they’re all absolutely gorgeous. But the edge goes to Kuon because out of any of them, none of the others made me smile nearly as much as she did the entire series. Her character and personality is just as beautiful as she is.
Sexiest Anime Character of the Year
- Fremy Speeddraw (Rokka: Braves of the Six Flowers)
- Rico Flamel (Sky Wizards Academy) – WINNER
- Smith (Monster Musume no Iru Nichijou)
- Stella Vermilion (Rakudai Kishi no Cavalry)
- Tuka Luna Marceau (GATE: Jieitai Kanochi nite, Kaku Tatakaeri)
This was such a tough decision for me. I hovered between pretty much all of them except for really Fremy. All of them are drop dead sexy in their respective shows, but in the end, I had to pick the one who calls herself and is known as a goddess in terms of her looks. And Rico is exactly that. As much as I hate her character, I cannot deny just how hot she is designed in Sky Wizards Academy. She looks like she was molded by the gods themselves, not one blemish on her figure. So while Fremy’s got that mysterious sexy girl thing going for her, Smith has easily the nicest ass this year, Stella has the perfect large-breasted slim girl design going on and Tuka’s a goddamn young, blonde elf girl (when aren’t they sexy?!), Rico just shines above them all.
Hope you enjoyed this set of awards, it was a hell of a lot of fun to make and for the most part a little easier than I was expecting. If you think another nominee should’ve won or I missed someone, don’t hesitate to put it in the comments below!
Stay tuned for tomorrow when I have the three main awards posts here, including Wrestling, Anime and Gaming.