I Think I Can Handle Winning The Lottery

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So I’ve heard the Powerball jackpot has skyrocketed to $1.3 billion in the US. That’s if you get the payout over 30 years. Otherwise it’s a lump sum around $800 million and cut that in half because of taxes. So let’s say the least you can get from your winnings is $400 million.

That’s a lot of fucking money! Which is why it makes me sad that the likelihood of the person who wins the jackpot will find a way to fuck it all up.

You hear the stories all the time, hell there’s a TV show made to show all these people. They win a ton of money, a sum that should last you the rest of your life. Except 3 years later, poof! It’s all gone. They bought stupidly large houses, cars, went on vacation after vacation, bought a ton of random things they’d never use or even look at, just filling up space. They’d give the money away to family and friends, people they barely knew and in some cases a ton to charity as well.

Watching and reading about some of these stories just pains me. Because I know I can do so much better.

Now I know what you’re gonna say, everyone says this to me. “Adam, you’ll go on a spending spree too.” and I don’t deny this one bit. But say for example (since I’m not crossing the border to play Powerball) I win our biggest jackpot in Canada which usually hovers at the $60 million mark. And that’s tax-free too by the way, so I’d see every cent of it. There’s no way in hell that I am voluntarily blowing all that money before I reach my 30s, hell I don’t plan to have that all spent all until my future children become parents themselves, maybe even longer.

First off and this might make me sound like a terrible person, but barely any of this money would go to charity. I wouldn’t even throw some right away at anything. I’d pick my spots over time with them, and it’s not like I’d throw a million at it, at best I’d probably throw $10,000. You can call me whatever name you want, but at the end of the day my biggest concern is my own life and when one wishes every day of his life to live a life of comfort, that person is going to ensure as much as possible that lifestyle lasts as long as possible. I’d like to think I’m not an asshole, but when I’m assuming this is my only life I’ll get to live and suddenly I’m able to not have to worry about anything for presumably the rest of it, you bet your ass I will go out of my way to preserve that.

The biggest (metaphorically and literally) bit of spending would obviously be a new home. This is the key point for me when it comes to how I spend my money and the solution is really simple. I’m not spending over $1 million on the house (before furnishings). Why in god’s name would I buy a mansion? I’ve been in one as a kid when my grandmother was housesitting the place. As a kid I thought it was too big and keep in mind I could run around the place without getting tired back then. As an adult now, I remember how big the place was and I can’t for the life of me figure out how I’d fill all that space. I have only a few rooms required: A bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen, a room with the TV and video games and a room for any other hobbies, perhaps it’s a workout room, a place to play my guitar and stuff, like an entire basement kind of deal. Anything else is just open space to me. So why get a giant mansion when I could have something like this that works perfect for me size-wise. And it’s $600,000 right now in a nice part of the city I live in. 3 bed, 3 bath, detached, looks beautiful.

 

The next part is the car. What are a lot of these over-spenders known for? A crazy car collection, whether new or classic. I love cars, don’t get me wrong, but there’s something about cars especially that is a key point in my strategy to keep the money I’d win: I don’t want to stand out, I don’t want to bring any attention to me. A brand new $100,000+ sports car will do that. Why would I buy a Ferrari, Lamborghini, or any super-expensive brand car? All that will do is make people look at me and go “He’s got money.”. Everything I purchase to make it look obvious I’m filthy rich only increases the chances I’d have of being robbed, my house broken into, etc. So why would I buy that level of car when I could get a still nice looking, but dependable car that isn’t going to kill my pocket, nor garner the attention something far more expensive would bring? I’d be perfectly happy with this. And it wouldn’t be remotely close to a high price tag.

2016 Mitsubishi Lancer

The next piece on the list are vacations and trips. This is an easy one for me to address for the simple fact that I’m not a travel person. Granted there are a couple places I’d love to go to in my lifetime, but less than 10 destinations isn’t exactly going to rack up a high bill. There are two places I have to go to in my lifetime and that’s Japan (like that’s a surprise to anyone given my articles) and Peru (I’m a big fan of the Macchu Picchu ruins), that’s not going to incur too big a bill. I can’t imagine going on a cruise, that seems boring to me. Would I travel around North America? A little bit, perhaps, but not to some crazy extent. So realistically, I can’t see myself spending over a million my entire lifetime through travelling outside of my own province. And if that’s the case, I’d have nothing to worry about.

So really that just leaves any random spending. What would I spend my money on otherwise? I can imagine myself buying more video games of course, that’s a given. I’ve never been a book person, nor a DVD buyer, so the only anime purchases I’d be making are figurines and I’m super selective of the ones I buy. Even if I was a billionaire, I’d still be walking outside in jeans and an Iron Maiden t-shirt, I’m a dirtbag and I’m fucking proud of it. I ain’t buying fancy clothes up the ass, so I look like a million bucks (literally), that’s not who I am, nor will it ever be, no matter how much money I have. Same goes for eating out, I would still eat at McDonald’s and such. You’re more likely to catch me at a Boston Pizza than some fancy 5-star restaurant. And then there’s the many furnishings and stuff for the house and again, I’m not gonna go too fancy. I’d pick what works for what colour and is at a reasonable price because like I’ve said the entire article, my goal is for this money to last forever. So sorry to all the $5,000+ couches out there, you’re probably not showing up in my house.

Now of course anything can happen if I was to ever win a lottery jackpot, I can’t predict the future in terms of what would happen around me, how my family’s react, who my “true friends” actually are, stuff like that. But when it comes to how I spend, I see no reason to go crazy like these horror stories did. I don’t want a giant mansion, I don’t want fancy cars, fancy clothes, fancy food, going out on trip after trip after trip, I don’t want any of those things.

So in the long run, you know that’ll come in handy at the end. And my kids and their kids after that will be thankful for it.

And the most important thing to remember, I didn’t even mention investing my money and making more as time went on, I’m literally just going through the motions of showing how easy it actually is to keep that money for an extended period of time without even doing any investing.

It’s not hard, people. You really don’t need caviar and an in-house butler. Give me a fucking break!

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