So the Royal Rumble has come and gone. How did it fare? Was it a third straight year of everlasting boos, or did WWE finally knock a Rumble match out of the park? With John and Katelyn on hand to witness this pay-per-view, let’s go through what happened!
Dean Ambrose def. Kevin Owens to retain the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Adam: Owens – 3.5/5 | John: Owens – 4/5 | Katelyn: Ambrose – 4/5
- Michael Cole apparently can’t make sentences when he’s excited
- Dean’s clothesline wasn’t super slow this time
- Couple cool table spots, including the final bit
The New Day (Kofi Kingston/Big E) def. The Usos to retain the WWE Tag Team Championships
Adam: New Day – 3/5 | John: New Day – 2.75/5 | Katelyn: New Day – 3/5
- “I’ve Raised New Day’s Attack Points by 700 Points!” Yu-Gi-Oh! sign
- Why does it feel like the Usos were the heels in this match?
- Great ending with Big E catching (whichever) Uso mid-splash and hitting the Big Ending
Kallisto def. Alberto del Rio to win the WWE United States Championship
Adam: del Rio – 2.5/5 | John: Kallisto – 2.75/5 | Katelyn: del Rio – 3.25/5
- Nice sudden Salida del Sol
- Cole refusing to acknowledge that del Rio dropkicked Kallisto’s knees instead of hitting him with a double knee
- No interference from the League of Nations? No finisher from del Rio?
Charlotte def. Becky Lynch to retain the
Women’s Divas Championship
Adam: Lynch – 3/5 | John: Charlotte – 3.5/5 | Katelyn: Charlotte – 3.25/5
- “Well Ric Flair IS a kiss stealer…”
- Becky literally could’ve just kept the armbar on with the jacket over her
- How was either time Flair got involved NOT a DQ?!
- Sasha Banks returning makes up for everything
Triple H wins the Royal Rumble and the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Adam: HHH – 4/5 | John: Wyatt – 4/5 | Katelyn: HHH – 4.25/5
- Roman comes in to a clear boo-sided reaction.
- Buzz kill! Rusev is #2, seems like League of Nations is coming out one-by-one, we’ll see at #3, never mind he’s already gone,
- AJ STYLES!!! But why couldn’t he just have been #2 and WHY THE FUCK DID THEY NOT HAVE THE CAMERA ON THE TITANTRON?!
- Is it my eyes…when you look at me? Tyler Breeze! Gone immediately, in the doghouse.
- The Royal Rumble streak continues!!! Curtis Axel! Streak’s over immediately.
- It’s time for someone to kick some Rooty Tooty Booty, Y2J!
- Demon Kane’s up and it’s the AJ Styles Super Sell Show.
- Goldust and he gets cheered this time, who knew what’d happen when you’re in before a Daniel Bryan elimination.
- Crowd really doesn’t like Ryback, lol!
- Kofi’s up, will the whole New Day be in this or is his entry under Freebird rules?
- Ooh-rah ooh-rah ooh-rah! Titus O’Neil. Goldust is eliminated.
- Wait? Is R-Truth actually in the Rumble? Or is it his bad? Never mind, he thinks it’s a ladder match. And he’s gone. Kofi uses Big E to stay in the Rumble
- Luke Harper is up, crazy to think 6 more spots are taken. League of Nations come out to destroy Roman, but not actually eliminate him, because that would be silly. *STUPID ROMAN MOMENT #1*
- Stardust is up, Cole says he’s been in 8 Rumbles, but no he hasn’t! Who’s this Cody guy they keep referring to? Also Cole is being a bit much here, telling Rusev to get off the table like he’s a child and then yelling that Vince is laughing, as if he can’t hear him and could fire him. AND THEY DIDN’T THROW HIM BACK IN!!! *STUPID ROMAN MOMENT #2*
- The Big Meh. Titus and Ryback get eliminated. Roman is being walked out by medics. *STUPID ROMAN MOMENT #3*
- The Man that WWE Creative Forgot, Neville. Roman can walk on his own power, but is walking away from the ring. Doesn’t he care about winning the match? Is he not the babyface?! *STUPID ROMAN MOMENT #4*
- Strowman is up next and eliminates Kane immediately. And then Big Show as well. Torch being passed for a new big man?
- Kevin Owens up next, limping to the ring. Great sell job. Who knew that was a thing? And he eliminates AJ. Well we’ve got our Wrestlemania match for Styles. Great way to get Owens over as a heel. But I’m very sad.
- Ambrose is next, selling a little as well.
- SAMI ZAYN!!! I can’t believe it! Goes right after Owens and eliminates him.
- Erick Rowan. Yaaaaaaaaaaaay. Neville’s eliminated. Stardust’s eliminated. Wyatts dominating.
- Mark Henry out to even the odds. I actually called this spot during the countdown, kinda proud of it. Also, he had a costume change, his attire in the pre-show was black/white. He’s tossed out immediately by the Wyatts. Zayn’s gone too. It’s been booked so well (minus Roman) but man these early eliminations suck.
- Brock comes out to really even the odds. I totally forgot he was in this at the time. Rowan’s eliminated.
- Jack Swagger. I can’t believe this is a thing. And he’s #24. Really, WWE? This late? Gets an immediate F5 and elimination.
- Miz. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay. I’ll give him credit though, he stays outside and says “Now is not the time.”. Harper’s eliminated.
- Alberto’s up next. Also Roman still isn’t back, this is ridiculous. Surviving the odds, my ass. Brock eliminates Strowman, Bray’s got no help when he comes out.
- Speaking of Bray, here he comes. Wyatts stick around though and all of them together eliminate Brock.
- Ziggler’s next. This potential final four looks sad, tells you the state of WWE’s roster (injuries included of course). Miz finally enters now that Brock’s gone.
- Sheamus is here, so that leaves #30. Roman finally shows up and starts wrecking. Miz is gone. Del Rio’s gone. *STUPID ROMAN MOMENT #5*
- Triple H is number #30. I don’t like this placement, it’s not cunning enough for this situation. Convinced Roman’s winning now. Fans are cheering who’s supposed to be the biggest heel. Trading finishers right now, this is getting bad. Fans are starting to crap on it again. Ziggler’s gone. JBL can’t count to six. Wyatt/Triple H standoff, fans don’t care. Wyatt’s gone. Jericho’s gone. Final four is Sheamus, Triple H, Roman and Ambrose. Shield/Authority. And the crowd goes mild. Sheamus goes next and then Triple H eliminates Roman! Holy shit! Crowd goes nuts. Triple H and Ambrose are the final two?! Who called that?! Crowd is going insane. WWE after 15 shitty minutes just saved the Rumble. And Triple H wins his 14th world title. Wow.
- Way too many of the more popular stars were eliminated early. Styles should’ve been there a lot longer, Zayn had barely any time, Lesnar didn’t do much, they could’ve done a lot more
- Regardless of the result, the entire booking of Reigns in this Rumble (aside from being eliminated) was absolutely horrendous. The entire point of the match was him surviving 29 other men and he skipped legitimately half the Rumble (was out by #14, came back at #29)
- Very happy there were no comedic or legend returns in this Rumble
- A few useless entries (Swagger, Miz, Breeze [kills me to say that])
- If Roman’s booked to be forced into the #1 spot, what would’ve been stopping Vince from having the League of Nations all come out in sequence? And when they attacked him and brought him outside the ring, how stupid was it that they didn’t get him over the top? The Wyatts did that for Brock, how does the most intelligent man in the business, Vince McMahon not just get them all to throw him out?
Katelyn wins with 4 out of 5 predictions.
Overall Score – 3.75/5