Saturday Morning Rant: Public Washroom Users

I hate public restrooms. I will go out of my way and hold it in for a couple more hours just so I don’t have to walk into a potentially dirty, disgusting and downright horrifying looking stall (because fuck urinals, I like my privacy!) in a public restroom.

However when I got a job at a retail store, it became apparent to me that I was not going to be able to avoid using them. After all, 8.5 hours straight without going to the bathroom is quite the daunting task. So I swallowed the bitter pill and accepted my fate, a daily occurrence now in my life.

So let me take a moment to say this right here, right now: Fuck you!

You know who you are, you piece of shit! Pun half intended. I am so sick and tired of the assholes that don’t do any of the following:

1. They don’t flush – These fucking assholes need to be eliminated off the face of the Earth. I’m not talking anyone who takes a piss and doesn’t flush, I’m talking full-on shit. You wouldn’t leave it like that at home, why the fucking hell aren’t you flushing a publicly used toilet?! That’s fucking disgusting, no one wants to walk into a stall and see your shit like it’s art on display, fucking flush it down, retard!

2. They clog the drain up with a mass of toilet paper – Why?! What the fuck is this?! Am I being pranked by some YouTube jackoff?! Seriously, who the fuck still does this?! What are you, nine?! Grow the fuck up!

3. They leave scraps of toilet paper all over the floor – Again, why?! What the hell happened, did you turn into a fucking werewolf mid-wipe and caused toilet paper to fly everywhere?! Pick that up and put it in the toilet, it’s not like it’s that much!

4. They leave a toilet looking like a shit bomb went off, even though a brush is right there – I don’t give a flying fuck if the place has a janitor that cleans the restrooms, if you explode in the fucking toilet, don’t be a dickhead, clean that shit up! Literally! Just like #1, no one wants to turn into a stall and see what looks like a grimy toilet from a fucking horror film! For fuck’s sake, clean up after yourself, what do I have to do, call your mother?!

Now I’ve gone through the messy shit, let’s talk about some of the stupid and uncomfortable things people do when a public restroom is more than just a room with a door lock:

1. They talk to you and they don’t even know you – This gets even weirder for me when I’m in a stall, cause I’m never at a urinal. Who the fuck is talking to me while I’m trying to be as private as possible here?! Even if it was one of my co-workers, that’s fucking weird! Stop that!

2. They sound like they’ve run a marathon when they’re pissing in the urinal – Are you fucking kidding me? You’re taking a leak, you’re not dying, quit being such a fat fucking slob and get your shit together so when you’re at a urinal you don’t sound like it’s hard labour for you!

3. They don’t wash their hands – I’m a germophobe, so fuck you. That is all.

Have a little respect for everyone else, you assholes! Just because it’s a place for pissing and shitting doesn’t mean you have to make it as disgusting as the bodily waste that goes through there. Ugh!

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