Saturday Morning Rant: Waitresses & Bills

Waitress handing bill to couple in restaurant

We all go to restaurants and when we all go there we expect to be treated with the utmost respect and with the best service possible. However it seems that whenever I go, I usually get that for the first half of my dining experience, while the second half is almost never positive.

It goes the same way almost every time. I sit down and within a minute or so, someone’s at our table to take drink orders, as to be expected. A few minutes later, there are drinks and then if it’s time, food orders are taken. The in 10-20 minutes usually, the food arrives and it’s time to chow down! But then after the courtesy walk up to ask how the food was, it becomes a whole different game. Getting refills for water and pop or even worse, the bill, is a game in patience and flagging the waitress down like she’s a cab a block away.

It’s plainly obvious why this takes place. If you are at a restaurant, especially ones that are more a bar kind of setting and you didn’t order any alcohol, you might as well pencil yourself in for two hours, cause you ain’t leaving, you’re not even on the waitress’ radar at this point. The full concentration from waitresses at these places are on the groups of guys and girls who are ordering rounds of beer and such every 5-10 minutes. You become an afterthought. It’s kind of disgusting when you think about it, giving certain customers preferential treatment.

What bothers me even more is they’d save themselves some trouble and possibly no tip at all if they’d move much faster to get these “small bill” customers out the door. The longer you take, the less I’m personally inclined to tip you at all, let alone a smaller percentage. And besides, why waste table space when there’s a group that’s clearly ready to leave? Get them out the door so there’s another spot open for someone else and maybe they’ll be a big money table for you. When people ask for the bill, they’re done, don’t take a half-hour to bring a piece of fucking paper because you think you might get another drink out of them!

Pissing me off even further, this happens a lot too. Last time I went to a place, we asked for the bills and we got them 10 minutes later but she’d be back as she needed to get the portable card machine. That took her another 20 minutes before we said fuck this and walked up to the bar, made them pull her out from the back and then didn’t tip her a cent. It’s 2016 people, assume you need to bring the machine, a lot of people nowadays do not use cash. Just bring the fucking machine over, it’s only another two minutes at most, the drunk assholes by the bar can wait, some of us actually don’t want to spend our entire evening in a bar.

I don’t usually have problems with the waitresses themselves, they’re usually very nice, some are actually very fun to chat with. But it’s always this last fucking step that they do, like they’re trained to give zero fucks about that step. Which makes zero sense when you realize they need to accomplish this step to get paid!!!

I don’t walk into a restaurant to spend an hour waiting for a piece of fucking paper to show up, just gimme the bill, let me pay, and I’ll tip you! Otherwise, fuck off!

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