Waifu, FWB or One-Night Stand? #4

It’s week #4 of the new weekly article on Tuesdays, Waifu, Friend With Benefits or One-Night Stand!

For those new to the article, this is not a post that talks about the “fuckability” of three randomly selected female characters from various anime and video games. I’m already attracted to them, it’s to be implied that I would share a bed with them already. What this article is meant to do, is go through their personalities, interests, anything pertinent to answering the question if they’re a one-time only, a friend that I might accept the occasional booty call from, or someone I would absolutely spend the rest of my life with.

So without further to do, let’s meet this week’s contestants!

01

While I’m 99.9% sure (can never leave the possibility out) that a magical gate will suddenly appear and we’ll be able to go into a legitimately real fantasy world where all the women are hot as hell, I’ll happily hold some semblance of hope if it means being able to see girls like the gorgeous Rory Mercury there. The only downside is that I’ll end up also meeting very dangerous girls…like the gorgeous Rory Mercury.

Now let’s get all the unique and weird stuff out of the way. Yes, I am aware that Rory has the appearance to a young teenager, however she’s actually lived almost a full millenium, the canon saying she’s 961 years old. She’s an Apostle of Emloy, who is the God of Darkness, War, Death, Violence, and Insanity. She is a violent, merciless demigoddess who will absolutely destroy you with her giant halberd if she deems you worthy of being granted death. Of course, the most unique and weird thing about her is how violence and death legitimately turns her on, Lelei attributes this to “the souls of fallen warriors on the battlefield pass through her body to be drawn to the side of Emroy”, which apparently acts as a sort of aphrodisiac to Rory.

Interestingly, Rory has about 40 years left to essentially live, though death is not a part of it. It actually has to do with her “ascension” as a demigoddess, as once she ascends and becomes a God, she will lose the remaining human emotion she has left. It also makes it very curious that even after being alive for 961 years, Itami is the only man she ever truly enjoyed being around. So let’s take that assumption and replace Itami with myself, how would I view her if she acted the same way towards me as she does with Itami? Well around him, especially when she gets some alone time, she’s extremely flirty and loves to tease, though she doesn’t like it remotely as much when you tease her back. She would also get very attached to me, after all I’m the only male she’s ever enjoyed being around. Lastly, she’s also very snappy when you talk about her age, so she’s definitely a woman, no surprise there.

So taking all this into account, what’s my call on this one?

♥ WAIFU ♥

Originally when I started this, my idea was going to be a one-night stand, but as I wrote more and more about Rory and recalled more and more from the anime, not only do I feel like we’d actually have a fun, close relationship, but in all honesty if the parameters from the anime get applied to me instead, it’s kind of hard to refuse this or take any other stance on her.

Rory has essentially 39 years before her humanity is completely gone. I’m currently 28 years old, so I would be 67 when she inevitably ascends and becomes a God. With that math in mind, it’s almost the perfect length for both of us, she’ll ascend when I’m at an old age and 67 is the age where it’s very possible in this day and age for me to be alive for the rest of her technically human life. With that in mind, I would happily spend the rest of my life with Rory and make her remaining years as enjoyable as possible.

The only weird part? The fact she doesn’t age. That’ll probably get weird once I start turning grey and my skin starts aging. Guess I might be living in solitude with her once I get into my 40s or so.

01

In a show where the entire cast are half-humans who share the other half with various types of “monsters” or really RPG fantasy races, the only girl that I truly had any attraction to was the one 100% human girl that had a consistent amount of screen time each week. I can admit I enjoyed girls like Zombina, Papi, Centorea and Manako, but three of them are not fully human and one of them has one eye and that’ll likely throw me off for a while. So the only one left out of all the girls I really enjoyed in Monster Musume is of course, Smith or Sumisu if we’re talking the Japanese canon.

Smith in the show is a Cultural Exchange Coordinator and the Commander of the Monster Ops: Neutralization team. She’s essentially supposed to be acting as a policewoman for the interspecies laws that were (poorly) initially instituted when all the races starting living in the same cities together. However, Smith is extremely irresponsible the majority of the show, a lot of the time just passing things off onto the main character in Kimihito. At the same time though, it’s implied she’s gotten the irresponsible due to the nature of her job, being that she’s insanely overworked and never receives a pay raise no matter how many new tasks she’s given and how many times she’s proven that she’s capable. Because as we see throughout the show, when it’s time to get serious, there’s no one better than her.

There’s really only a couple occasions we ever see of Smith outside of her job and putting how hot she looks during those scenes aside, she seems to be just your average working woman, her place is a bit on the messy side, she’s extremely casual, hell I’m pretty much convinced she refuses to wear anything but her underwear in her apartment. That sounds a lot like someone we’d all be in a similar situation. Oh and she’s totally addicted to coffee.

Since there’s not much else to say about her, given that she’s a more minor character in a harem show, I’m just gonna pop in my decision right now:

♥ WAIFU ♥

This is a relatively easy decision for me, mainly because of Smith’s laid back nature. It’s a pretty easy relationship to start with me, I’m not into the overly sweet or plain and boring types, so there’s a check. Smith is super casual at home, which matches me to a tee. Everything just comes off like a perfect match to me, we’re both very professional until we realize when we’re being fucked with, then we just do the bare minimum until the time comes to get serious. I dunno, I can’t say much more other than just how my brain is taking everything I know about Smith and seeing nothing but positives. Well…except for the sheer amount of coffee that’ll be in the house.

01

Every harem anime has to have a crazy girl character. I don’t mean like “I’ll kill you!” crazy, I mean just… more like “Holy shit this girl’s all over the place.” kind of crazy. Tabane is that girl in Infinite Stratos.

Which is crazy when you think about it (pun half-intended), as Tabane is the genius mind behind the entire invention of the IS units. Yet this girl crashes into land in a giant carrot with robotic rabbit ears on her head and wearing something akin to a maid dress and starts being the flakiest girl you’d ever seen as she tries to hug everyone she can…which is just Houki, Chifuyu and Ichika. She pretty much can’t recognize anyone else, how odd from a genius mind, I guess that genius is very selective.

A major trait of her besides from her insanity is honestly her perverse nature. We see flashes of that when she notes how much “Houki has grown” when she sees her for the first time in a while to give her the Akatsubaki IS and when she notes specifically the bust size of the White Knight IS. Arguably, this could just have a lot to do with the long amounts of solitude Tabane subjects herself to as she constantly works to improve the IS units into the next generation of them.

The other notable trait is her lack of sense of responsibility, especially when it comes to anything her creations have done over the years. She seems to prefer observing events that involve IS units rather than stop them, though it’s very obvious that she’s capable of intervening at any time if she actually wanted to. It’s a real troublesome problem.

I don’t have much else to say on here, so I’ll get the decision out now:

♠ ONE-NIGHT STAND ♠

There’s no doubt in my mind that Tabane would be a very insufferable person to be around for an extended period of time. She’s just not right in the head, regardless of the genius mind in that head of hers. But most of all, I’m avoiding any sort of emotional relationship with her due to the fact that I know my own life would be in danger if I was in a close relationship with her. Think about it, this girl gets emotionally involved with only a few people in the entire world. And if I’m the only one who can’t pilot an IS unit, I’m kinda fucked. I’ll be walking around with a massive target on myself to people wanting to extort things out of Tabane. And that doesn’t sound like fun to me.


So that’s this week’s editon of Waifu, FWB, or One-Night Stand, hope you enjoyed it! Leave any comments you’ve got below, whether it’s your own choices between the three or maybe I’m missing something that could’ve turned the tide on my decision with any one of these girls.

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