Saturday Morning Rant: Follow Me, Follow You

Getting Twitter followers is not an easy task. It’s already frustrating enough when I have to constantly report and block all the spam accounts that totally are interested in meeting up with me for casual sex or they have money to give to me. Y’know, all that cool shit. But even with all the spam accounts I deal with, there’s still another kind of account that I hate even more:

The “follow me, follow you” accounts.


You’ve seen these accounts all over Twitter. Y’know, the ones where their following counts are insanely high and nearly equal to their follower counts. These users (if they’re not spam accounts or bots) are notorious for just weaving through Twitter and following random users in hopes of charging up their own follower count. Now I’m sure a lot of these accounts have good intentions, some of them are genuinely in belief that by following 5,000 Twitter accounts, they’ll get 5,000 followers themselves and have that feel good moment.

Me on the other hand, I could care less.

I’m aware that this is coming from someone who only follows 176 users and has 88 followers at the time I’m writing this rant, but for me those numbers are actually useful to me. Why? Because these accounts that I follow are genuinely interesting and/or useful to me. I don’t just follow random accounts and clutter up my Twitter feed, that does me absolutely no good. I don’t want to be reading endless pages of drivel and nonsensical bullshit. What ends up on my Twitter feed is usually stuff I’m interested in reading.

Now when it comes to followers, while there are followers on my list that just followed me and haven’t said a word, I try my best (at least at this stage, who knows what would happen if my follower count goes way up one day) to engage as much as I can with those who do follow me. Obviously I do that here, pretty much responding to every comment I’ve ever gotten on the page. My goal is always to make my audience feel like I’m constantly available to them and I will engage with them.

So when I get these accounts that follow me and then unfollow after a couple days because I didn’t follow them back, it drives me crazy. First of all, here’s the key reason why you never got the follow back from me: We never spoke! I don’t know who the fuck you are, why the hell would I follow you just because you followed me?! Some would argue I should say hello to these accounts, maybe a “Thanks for the follow!” kind of message. Here’s the thing, they followed me. If they wanted to follow me permanently, they’d stay. If they’re a “follow me, follow you” account, why aren’t they sending me a DM saying to do so? I’m not playing games and assuming things, so I go all laissez-faire and if they fully intended to follow me, then they’ll stay.

So to all the idiots out there who are expecting a return follow from me, here’s an idea: Actually talk to me! Because if you don’t, I ain’t doing shit.

Oh look at that! As I’m finishing this article, I’m down to 87 now and that account followed me two days ago. What’d’ya know!

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