Saturday Morning Rant: Pokemon GO


Let me say this right off the bat. I don’t hate Pokemon GO, I don’t hate Pokemon, I don’t hate the people playing the game. Honestly, I don’t hate anything game-related at all.

What I really hate though has been the sheer amount of bullshit news and stupidity we’ve been seeing because of the game’s launch.

I’m not a mobile gamer, not sure I ever will be. Hell I haven’t really been that interested in handheld gaming since the Game Boy Advance when I was young enough to sit in the back seat of cars and needed something to play. Now that I drive and hate breaking my neck looking down at a tiny screen, I prefer gaming on a TV whenever I can, hence my decision to buy a PS TV and my innate desire for Nintendo to make it possible to play their handheld games on a TV as well.

So when Pokemon GO was announced and released, I already had zero interest in the game. I’ve really been distant from Pokemon since Ruby/Sapphire anyways, because I was tired of the same games with a new setting and new Pokemon added to the rosters that are already too big. So having a mobile Pokemon game just wasn’t in my wheelhouse.

But I wasn’t in a negative place about it when it was announced. Actually, I was happy to see that coming out, because I thought the concept was fantastic. If you’re a Pokemon fanatic, this is what you’ve been wanting since the series first began, being able to be a Pokemon trainer in real life, battle other people in real life, all that jazz. Now while the game hasn’t quite reached that point, the game’s still quite rough around the edges and I really hope people can admit that too, the game is not what we were promised, nor is it polished. It’s got a ton of work to go.

When the game came out, it almost instantly kickstarted a thousand useless articles about what’s going on in real life with the game. There were a couple interesting stories, like people finding dead bodies while playing it, that story about a few marines stopping a robbery because of the game, stuff like that’s really interesting. However, going on various gaming news sites and seeing 4 Pokemon GO stories for every 5 articles drove me absolutely nuts. YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT THIS PERSON DID WHILE PLAYING POKEMON GO! Just…fucking stop it. No one cares about the fact that 200 people gathered in one place because of a Squirtle. Yes, it’s amazing that the game has forced people outside, but we don’t need a hundred articles an hour on it. Make one big article about it and be fucking done with it!

Even worse, we’re seeing how fucking stupid people are getting because of the game. I watched a video Tuesday night of someone hitting a police car while driving under the influence of Pokemon GO. People are walking into traffic because of the game, getting arrested for trespassing, all this insane bullshit that with just a little common fucking sense, you should be able to understand how to fucking exist in the real world while simultaneously playing a (currently) shitty mobile game! You don’t get to use the game as an excuse and I don’t give a shit if you’ve been a reclusive basement-dweller your entire life, you should know better than to jump over fences and trespass on private property. It’s a fucking fictional character, let it go and get over it! Pokemon is not above all else.

So for fuck’s sake people, use your fucking brains when you’re out there playing Pokemon GO. And journalists, calm the fuck down, the game isn’t the second-coming of Jesus Christ, let’s stop acting like it’s the biggest thing in the world. Is it cool that kids are getting outside because of the game? Abso-fucking-lutely! Is the concept of the game itself awesome? Yes! But holy shit, let’s tone it down just a little bit, we’re acting like this meh at best mobile game is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to us.

I wouldn’t even put it in my top 100. Sheesh!

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