Saturday Morning Rant: No One Plays Video Games There!

01

Dear game developers,

I’m a fan of a lot of your works, to varying degrees. You create memorable stories, moments, characters, worlds, all that glorious gaming jazz. I have sunk so many hours into your various works that I’m pretty sure I’ve spent more time now gaming than eating. So it’s fair to say that you guys despite hiccups here and there, you’ve got me in for the long haul.

But I’ve gotta level with you guys on one specific thing that’s really starting to bug me. Could you at the very least try and represent us properly in your trailers?!

Like Nintendo! Who the fuck goes to a basketball court, plays a game of real basketball…AND THEN DECIDES TO BRING NOT ONE BUT TWO NINTENDO SWITCH CONSOLES WITH THEM TO PLAY A GAME OF NBA 2K-WHATEVER AT THE FUCKING BASKETBALL COURT?!!!

The new Nintendo Switch trailer really did open my eyes to the absolute stupidity that you have when it comes to displaying how gamers play your games. Rooftop party? Sure! With your entire family including your grandparents who are still confused by the television remote? Absolutely! But then go back in time to the 90s where you played the low-end of the spectrum where gamers were playing alone in a dark corner of space. I mean, some of us do that, but we don’t want people to know we do!

I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to just film gamers in a nicely lit room, maybe during the day (because it’s not just a nightly activity) and with a couple of friends. Also, don’t make us look like we’re stone cold fucking crazy when playing a game of BOWLING (OMG, SO INTENSE!!!), just have us looking normal. We’re on the couch, we’re into the game and we’re reacting happily and laughing as we enjoy ourselves. Not the slapping our legs laughing either, enough with the over-the-top bullshit already!

I don’t get it, you guys. How are we so hard to represent? It’s not like we’re all that hard to replicate. And if you think our normal behaviour doesn’t make your game look “fun”, here’s an idea: SHOW US HOW FUN THE GAME IS!!! What a novel concept, right? You don’t need some jackass actor flying around on the couch, like he’s doing barrel rolls all over the house while playing a game of fucking Madden, if the game is that fun, the gameplay footage will tell the viewers that. If you want to show gamers having fun, they’ll show it while playing your game, if it’s actually fun of course. Because y’know…if you want people to think your game is fun, how about actually making it fun? But that’s a topic for another day…

So stop being idiots. Make your trailers a little less retarded. You’re making a trailer for a video game not a beer commercial (and those are real stupid too at times!), keep it simple! It’s really not that hard…

Sincerely,

Adam aka CSRadical

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