So Maxim, likely due to Final Fantasy XV’s release, put out an article ranking the 10 sexiest girls in Final Fantasy…
And what a joke it was! (you can view it here)
For those who don’t want to bother with the list, here’s the actual list they gave:
- Aranea Highwind (FFXV)
- Iris (FFXV)
- Cindy (FFXV)
- Lunafreya (FFXV)
- Gentiana (FFXV) — Notice a trend yet?
- Ashe (FFXII) — Oh? So you do know of other Final Fantasy games?
- Terra (FFVI)
- Lightning (FFXIII)
- Serah (FFXIII)
- Fang (FFXIII) — Notice the other trend too?
So there are two blatantly obvious things here. One, the writer who Maxim put onto this clearly doesn’t play games in the series and if John Sciarrino does, he’s clearly only played the most recent ones and then added Terra to make it seem like he had gamer cred because she’s from an SNES game. The second is that Maxim has clearly made this article solely because of Final Fantasy XV’s launch and are just click-baiting anyone unsuspecting. I didn’t find this on my own by the way, I was sent this.
Now I won’t do my own list right now, that’s something I can do on Sunday when my Top 10s are. But the fact that Tifa of all people isn’t on this list is the biggest fucking joke possible with anything having to do with Final Fantasy. Even though I don’t like her that much, she is THE SEX IDOL of the series! Who gives a fuck that XV has the best graphics, who cares that Lightning is a Louis Vuitton model, Tifa is the original sexy Final Fantasy girl. That’s worth something.
So yeah, it’s sooooooooo shocking that Maxim half-assed an article. So I’ll leave with a rundown of the various little things that annoyed me with the list:
- 80% of the list is two games.
- 20% of the list I immediately agree with, being Cindy and Fang, though to be fair, I have not seen Iris before…and wow!
- If new graphics are the benchmark, how in the blue hell did nothing from FFXIV came into play here?
- No offense to Terra, but she’s not even the prettiest girl in FFVI.
- I honestly think Lunafreya and especially Gentiana are nothing to look at, Iris and Cindy are damn attractive and Aranea is pretty good, but Lunafreya and Gentiana are meh at best.
- Of all the pictures of Serah they could’ve chose from, they picked the dumb looking swimsuit costume, she looks hotter in the Mass Effect N7 crossover.
- Speaking of bad picture choices, THEY PICKED THE ONE PICTURE LIGHTNING LOOKS LIKE A WHORE!!! AND NOT EVEN ONE OF THE LOUIS VUITTON PICTURES WHERE SHE’S ACTUALLY A FUCKING FASHION MODEL!!!
- This is the quote on Gentiana: “We like Gentiana for a few reasons: She’s badass enough to look after the future-queen, she’s got two great dogs and, most importantly, she doesn’t seem to age. All signs point to wife-material here.”. Wow, that is fucking retarded.
And lastly, let’s finish with those who were forgotten by Maxim and John Sciarrino’s stupidity and lack of knowledge:
And hell, I’m even gonna reach a little further…
And lastly, cause why the fuck not…