Waifu, FWB or One-Night Stand? #33

It’s week #33 of Waifu, Friend With Benefits or One-Night Stand!

For those new to the article, this is not a post that talks about the “fuckability” of three randomly selected female characters from various anime and video games. I’m already attracted to them, it’s to be implied that I would share a bed with them already. What this article is meant to do, is go through their personalities, interests, anything pertinent to answering the question if they’re a one-time only, a friend that I might accept the occasional booty call from, or someone I would absolutely spend the rest of my life with.

So without further to do, let’s meet this week’s contestants!

01

Kicking off this week is a very interesting case. To anyone who watched Himouto! Umaru-chan, you know that this girl is quite the…unique one.

Umaru is both of the girls you see there and yet because the show is weird, it’s not even 100% certain if the chibi form of her in a metaphorical form of herself or if she’s actually a magical girl that transforms into this chibi character when she goes full NEET on us. Essentially, Umaru in her “normal” form is the perfect girl, she’s super smart, great at sports, honestly great at everything. She’s beautiful, she’s just everything you’d want in a girl.

The problem is that the “normal” Umaru is not real, it’s a facade that she uses for when she’s outside of her own home. The real Umaru is a lazy, self-centered and downright cruel girl, who wants everyone to do whatever she wants so all she does every day is watch anime, read manga and play video games. She treats her brother absolutely horribly and one can only wonder if she actually loves him as a brother, or if he’s just another soul for her to rely upon and demand things from. We’ve seen that Umaru can find some amount of morality around people, but it’s so few and far between that it’s almost to be implied that the “real” Umaru is the only Umaru, the perfect girl image is literally just an act.

Anyways here’s my call on Umaru:

♠ ONE-NIGHT STAND ♠

As much as I’d love someone who’s so enthusiastic about video games and anime, Umaru is quite honestly an absolutely terrible person. Granted, that’s the whole point of the anime, so really she’s playing her role perfectly. But upon the deliberation of the idea of how she’d act around someone she was romantically involved with, when she’s as terrible as she is to her own brother, I can’t help but think she’d find a guy who would be more than willing to bend to her every whim and that ain’t gonna be me.

01

Oh boy, here’s a dangerous one. Shimei from Ikkitousen is the badass blue-haired, eyepatch wearing beauty who loves breaking arms, friend or foe.

A very sadistic person, Shimei is a submission-specialist who if she was plopped into the real world, she’d easily be a badass fighter in the UFC, she’d give Ronda a run for her money. Again, she loves breaking arms and it’s not limited to her opponents, she likes doing this to her own teammates too! She’s a fight crazy girl, she loves to spar with people and is constantly looking to challenge new people and prove herself again and again.

We learn through the anime however that she wasn’t always this fierce, dangerous woman. She has a much softer side to her, but after a close friend was blinded and bound to a wheelchair, that part of her vanished until the lead protagonist Hakufu loosened her up again (because a girl groping another girl always works!) and at the very least brought Shimei back to a more friendly and occasionally flustered girl, who is always adorable.

All right, I’m done talking about her, so here’s my call on Shimei:

♦ FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS ♦ 

I think that in the real world, especially with the over-exaggerations of anime removed, Shimei would be just a little calmer, because well…in real life she’d eventually be arrested for assault. So taking the softer side Shimei has and applying that on top of her potentially MMA fighter background, I think she’s be a real cool person to hang around. I don’t think under any circumstances she goes beyond that of a friend, but I think there’s enough there to be worth chatting with once in a while. She’s just not allowed to try out submission holds on me. I like my arms.

01

♥ WAIFU!!! ♥

Okay okay okay, I’ll actually go through the process and do this the way I normally do for everyone else. But I can’t help it, I just finished playing through Final Fantasy XV and I absolutely adore this girl and have fallen head over heels for her.

Cindy is the mechanic that services the Regalia, the car owned by the main protagonists. She’s portrayed at least in the English dub that I’ve played (haven’t checked the Japanese version) as a Southern girl, almost like she’s a portrayal of Jessica Simpson’s role as Daisy Duke in the rebooted Dukes of Hazzard movie back in 2005, which since the game began production ten years ago in 2006, it kind of makes sense that she is modeled very similarly.

Cindy is an absolute treat, she’s very kind-hearted, free-spirited, loves taking care of cars and doesn’t mind getting a little dirty because of it. Unlike the stereotypical girl who has to look pretty all the time and only do work that’ll continue to make her look perfect, she does what is generally perceived as a man’s job and a job that is known for being extremely dirty, as car mechanics don’t exactly leave a shift clean as a sheet. It’s obvious too that she loves what she does and as Cid tells us, she was like this from a young age, even after her parents both died, she wasn’t one to allow that to stop her from doing what she was passionate about.

She’s such a strong female character, despite the very sexy look she has with her short shorts and open top. Aside from Aranea, I don’t think there’s a girl who displays a more dominant, self-sufficient personality and character than Cindy. Even when it comes to her poses that she has throughout the game that are designed to be sexy, I don’t get the indication that she’s being forced into these poses, nor is she oblivious to what she’s doing. I honestly think that Cindy’s character is comfortable in her body, doesn’t mind showing it off and doesn’t care what anyone thinks about how she acts. And I love that.

So it’s no surprise when my decision is this:

♥ WAIFU!!! ♥

Yeah that’s right, I posted it twice! I’m going to be completely honest here and it shocks me to say this. I think I have a Final Fantasy waifu now that trumps Rikku. Now it could be because Cindy is fresh in my mind, after all I’ve known Rikku for over a decade now, eventually her value has to lower at some point, right? But what Cindy has over Rikku right now in my mind is that Cindy comes off as real as I’ve ever seen from a video game character. Rikku while I love her to death, is a fictional character and acts like one, Cindy actually feels like a person in real life to me. She’s relatable, I can actually envision myself talking with her, whereas with Rikku because her personality is so over-the-top, it’s hard to see where it would go at times. With Cindy, I just treat her like a normal girl…a gorgeous gearhead…normal girl.


So that’s this week’s edition of Waifu, FWB, or One-Night Stand, hope you enjoyed it! Leave any comments you’ve got below, whether it’s your own choices between the three or maybe I’m missing something that could’ve turned the tide on my decision with any one of these girls.

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