Four Years of Terrible Royal Rumbles


I’m sorry in advance to those who are on this page for my usual anime/game related posts. I did say in November that I was going to stay away from topics like sports, specifically professional wrestling because I wanted to keep this page away from that kind of stuff and keep it down to two main topics.

But after tonight, I can’t help myself. I need to vent a little.

I didn’t watch the 2013 Royal Rumble, but I’ve heard people say it’s bad, so perhaps it’s now been five straight years of terribly booked Royal Rumble matches, but for me it’s just been four. Regardless, for the match that wrestling fans arguably look forward to the most every year, four or five straight years of the match being underwhelming is not good at all. In fact, for something that should be so easy to put together, the fact WWE has failed to do it so many years in a row now is such a shocking fact. I don’t pretend to be a master writer/booker, but holy fucking shit, how hard is it to book a match that’s full of surprises and fun moments and have the fans leave happy?!

Now I could do this rant in many different ways, but here’s how I’m going to do it. I’m going to separate every problem I had into separate talking points rather than turn this into a clusterfuck. So here we go:

#1: There were no real surprises
#1: There were no real surprises

Now before you question this, yes I am saying this despite the fact Tye Dillinger did indeed debut at #10 in the Rumble. But here’s my reasoning for why this isn’t a surprise. Did we all not expect this? Did we all not assume that with Dillinger doing nothing on NXT other than losing that it made sense for him to debut in the Rumble? I don’t consider Tye Dillinger a surprise entrant, so much as it being a surprise that the WWE actually listened to fans and didn’t pull out an easy booking decision from under us.

But in this year’s Royal Rumble match, there really weren’t any surprises. There wasn’t a real shocking debut, there wasn’t even a legend making a comeback for a fun 1-3 minute run in the match. Now this Rumble was pretty stacked so did the match need a legend return? Maybe not, but we’ve become so accustomed to at least one every year, so to not have one this year, it makes the match almost feel empty. The whole Rumble match has become a night of surprises and this match had none of that. Except WWE probably considered this year’s #30 as a surprise, which brings me to…

#2 - Roman Reigns AGAIN?!
#2 – Roman Reigns AGAIN?!

In the last two Royal Rumble matches, how did Roman Reigns’ involvement affect the match? Both times the crowd completely flattened out and turned on the entire match for the rest of the night. So after two straight years of the crowd giving zero fucks for Roman Reigns in the Rumble, what does WWE do? Put him in the final spot where people were expecting ANYONE BUT ROMAN REIGNS!!!

How many fucking times is WWE going to do this until they learn that no one wants him to be the top guy? Now you can argue that this entry had a purpose, it was to eliminate the Undertaker. But if that’s the case, did Roman have to take the last spot, could he not have been in the Rumble earlier? Once again it brings this idea that the WWE wants to give Roman special treatment, just like last year when they kept him out of the match for over half of it. But at least he didn’t win the match again this year, which brings me to the third subject I want to talk about…

#3 - Randy Orton. In 2017! Really?!
#3 – Randy Orton. In 2017! Really?!

Think about what this pay-per-view was. John Cena won the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Brock Lesnar, Goldberg and Undertaker showed up for the Rumble. And now Randy Orton has won the Royal Rumble.

I was not aware 2017 was the year of the time machine, because it feels like we went back 10 years.

Of all the people to win, why Randy Orton? It seems very apparent that the end goal for WrestleMania in Orlando is for Bray Wyatt to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship at Elimination Chamber and the match be Orton/Wyatt for the title. This program didn’t need the title, so why was this necessary?! At least if Chris Jericho won the Rumble, it would’ve made some sense, because Kevin Owens is the current WWE Universal Champion. But with Orton winning the Rumble, how the hell do you have John Cena lose the belt two weeks later, to Wyatt of all people?!

Which brings an even worse option. What if the “main event” at WrestleMania this year is Randy Orton challenging John Cena for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship? Oh my god, if the time machine theory was true, this would be the proof. I’m almost convinced that the match for this belt will be some triple threat or fatal 4-way where Wyatt and Styles would be included. Either way, Orton winning in my mind creates zero interesting results for WrestleMania matches. I do not understand the logic for Orton winning. How the betting odds put Orton so high, I don’t know what they knew but holy hell they got the right tip-off.

These were the three big things that really pissed me off with this year’s Royal Rumble match. There are little things I can go through as well, for example I didn’t like the whole Lesnar/Goldberg/Taker being part of the last five entrants, they really put a halt to any potential surprises (not that any happened anyways) by having three out of the last five spots already being figured out. There were also a few guys that weren’t necessary in the Rumble, Apollo Crews, Sheamus, Cesaro, Xavier Woods, Enzo Amore (it pains me to say it) there were a number of guys we really didn’t need to see in the Rumble, some of those spots could’ve gone to someone like a Samoa Joe, Tyler Bate/Pete Dunne and like I said earlier, a legend or two.

And honestly, it’s not like I hated the pay-per-view, I enjoyed pretty much all the matches on the main card. But the Rumble this year for me was meh at best and a really frustrating Rumble match from a booking perspective. Myself and the two friends I watched the Rumble with were all completely at a loss for how this match was structured, particular towards the end. And we’re not cut from the same cloth, all three of us have different ideas of how things should be done in wrestling, we don’t usually agree on everything. But this time, we all shared the same opinion: this year’s Rumble was quite possibly the worst booked Rumble match of all-time, or at the very least, the most confusingly booked Rumble of all-time.

Four fucking years. I can’t believe people are paid to write this garbage. Might as well get the Fifty Shades of Grey writer to book next year’s Rumble.

One thought on “Four Years of Terrible Royal Rumbles”

  1. I gave up on wwe awhile ago. I might catch some clips here and there but thats about it. They have good wrestling talent but creative/booking made me stop caring for the product. It’s hard to watch a pro wrestling show if you just arent invested in the storytelling anymore. :/


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