Very few times on this blog have I been raging when I want to write something. Normally my rants are long after I’ve calmed down, taken a better look at things and found a more logical standpoint to the subject(s) I’m talking about. But in this specific case, I can’t talk about it from a calm place without being biased and a tad bit annoyed.
So there’s a person in my life that I deal with on a regular basis that exhibits almost all of the social characteristics that I cannot stand in a person. This person is the kind of person that a lot of us know in our circles of acquaintances. I assume most of us take issue with these kinds of people, I’m sure some of you don’t mind them, hell a couple of you reading this might be that kind of person.
This person is the one who loves to talk and dominates the conversation and I mean dominate the conversation as in I’m not allowed to get a word in, it’s like I’m just expected to be an ear for this person. The topics this person covers are so all over the place and 99.9% of the time are of things that I can’t offer anything in return, they’re usually things that I have zero interest in and in fact this person even knowingly aware of topics that I don’t care about will still constantly make me sit down and listen to those very topics. For example, I have zero interest in art and by art I mean paintings, sculptures, you know, the artistè kind of art. And this person definitely knows that I don’t care for art, it’s come up several times whether in conversations or when this person and others plan on going to an art crawl and I vehemently decline to go because I have no interest in that sort of thing. Yet, this person almost on a weekly basis, will expose me to a 5-minute minimum conversation about some art they saw.
Anyways, I’ll get into it more with what I’m calling Radical’s Speaking Tips, as a way to vent about some of the ridiculous things this person does to me in conversations. So let’s hop to it!
Tip #1 – Be aware of the person you’re talking to!
This is pretty straight-forward, I don’t think many people aren’t doing this. But when you’re talking to someone, pay attention to how they’re reacting to you. If they’re not responding in any manner, whether with words, sounds, nodding or facial expressions, you’ve probably lost them. Perhaps you’ve done a little too long on a tangent and you’ve lost their focus. It’s easy to spot someone who’s engaging with your conversation, they react. If they’re not reacting, adjust so that they do.
Tip #2 – Talk about topics others can talk along with you on!
This isn’t to say you aren’t allowed to talk about things they don’t have a case for, but in the case of this person I’m speaking about, it’s nice to not talk exclusively about things that the person listening has zero to offer in return. If it’s a first meeting, obviously you have to learn where this person’s interests are, but if it’s a person you’ve known for oh…10 years, it should be pretty straight-forward at this point what this person is able to talk about. At least a few topics!
Tip #3 – Let the person talk!
I’ve had conversations with this person where (because I try to be polite and not just walk away) I’m been forced to listen to this person talk for almost a half-hour, sometimes even longer than that and not being able to offer anything, I’m just a set of ears to this person. It shouldn’t take much to understand that a conversation should never be one-sided. If you talk for more than a minute or so without allowing the person a chance to respond, you’re being rude. 5 minutes? Your an asshole or a bitch. Longer than that? Go fuck yourself. You’re not the center of the universe, you don’t get to take all the air in the room. A conversation is supposed to be a two-way street, give the person listening a chance to talk. But oh wait, you use topics they can’t talk? That’s not controlling the conversation at all…
Tip #4 – Get to the point!
Granted, there are people who like the littlest of details, but there’s people who don’t care for the tiniest details of a story. The day of the week isn’t that important, what the weather was like that day isn’t that important, what colour the bricks of the house were isn’t that important. Unless the subject of the conversation specifically falls in line with those things, don’t spend so much extra time on what is essentially nothing in relation to the main point. I don’t talk about a specific moment in a video game and proceed to talk about how I was wearing a Zelda t-shirt at the time and was drinking a Cherry Coke.
Tip #5 – If you can’t remember something, move on!
We all forget sometimes, when we’re recalling something, we’ll always fail to remember something whether significant or not. But if we do and we can’t think of it no matter how hard we try, just move on from it. Instead, the person I’m talking about here will literally spend over a minute pondering about an insignificant thing. I’ve even tried to move the conversation forward and this person has gotten upset and given me the “WAIT A MINUTE!!!” treatment. Y’know, even though I already waited a minute already.
Tip #6 – Enough with the theatrics, you’re not on a stage!
This person, oh my god they’re so over-the-top and over-exaggerating with everything. I know people who love people that are extremely dramatic when they talk, as in an over-abundance of body language, extremely high emotions, that sort of thing. But I can’t stand it, it deviates from the point of the story and it puts emphasis on other things that don’t have any significance. Especially in stories where the main point of the story is something negative, why would you ever call attention to something else and make it sound okay, or fun! Isn’t the whole point of the story being that the subject in question is bad?
Tip #7 – If you call attention to how you specifically said something, you’re the worst kind of person!
I’m not even trying to make this a legitimate rule, this is the one thing that will genuinely get me to roll my eyes every time. This person is so in love with their own voice and themself that when they say something that they like how it sounded, they’ll stop the conversation entirely. “You see how I said that? …Fffflutter.” First of all, I can’t see words out of your mouth, I hear them. Secondly, I don’t give a fuck, get back to the point you were making and get on with it, you’re not special, your words don’t cure sickness and depression. It just goes to show you how much I hate people that call attention to themselves as if they’re the only important person in the room, as if my presence means absolutely nothing.
Tip #8 – When a person tries to leave, don’t be an asshole/bitch by saying something “nice” as they leave!
There are two things this person will say to me as I leave. Either “Okay, I’ll let you leave”, which really pisses me off, more on that later. The other is “Okay, thanks for listening.” Let’s start on the second one, because yes it does sound like a nice thing. This person says this though more like they’re sad or angry that I’m not letting them go on further about the sewage system in India (I wish I was fucking kidding), which I’m TOTALLY into. The first one however, I give zero fucks about being nice on. “You’ll let me leave?”, because you’re the one who’s in control of me, right? It makes it sound like this person thinks I’m not in charge of myself. Better yet, it’s so fucking rude to think that I have zero say in whether I can partake in the conversation or leave entirely.
Tip #9 – Uhhh…you know what, just go fuck yourself!
Yeah, I’m done making rules for this. If you made it to this part, thank you for suffering through my venting. I don’t know how you might feel about a person like this, but for me it’s an absolute struggle. I dread walking into the same room with this person every single time, because I’m afraid I’m going to have to be forced to listen to another 15 minutes of childhood memories, history and literal shit. This person in the last week, I’ve had three separate conversations having to do with literal shit. One on cloth diapers (that went 3 minutes), the Indian sewage system (5 minutes) and the worst offense, actually talking about their recent trip to the bathroom (how long doesn’t matter, just fuck you!), which is a huge no-no in my book!
And no, this person isn’t aggressive in terms of raising their voice and getting overly angry at me. However, I can easily tell this person is being very fake in how “nice” they’re trying to be. I’m not a psychological expert, but I can tell when someone knows that they can get away with things because I’m overly polite in-person. You have no idea how badly I want to snap on this person and tell them to never talk to me again, but I cannot do this. Not because I don’t have the stones to, but in the context of my relationship with this person, I can’t do this without burning some really important bridges that I kinda like keeping up. And I truly do believe that this person knows this and uses that to their advantage and seeks to use me as their personal ear because this person has burned so many of their own bridges that the number of people they can talk to is extremely small.
Anyways, thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed my venting process. I don’t expect much to come out of this in terms of reactions or even viewership. I literally have no one I can safely talk to about this in the manner that has any horse in the race, so to put it out there in an anonymous space makes it so much easier and at least gets a little bit of weight off my shoulders.
See you next time when I talk about something important!