This is more a parody and a quick joke of an article, but seriously a summer-themed Overwatch round of skins and the best they could come up with was a meh at best Widowmaker and a lifeguard McCree?! Okay fine, I’ll admit that skin’s pretty sweet (here), but still! No Tracer, D’va, hell where’s Winston in his ridiculous summer get-up?!
At the end of the day, go all the way or go home and it appears that not every character got a skin, which I think is dumb. So for shits and giggles (and because I love swimsuit DLC for every character, not just the girls!!!), let’s go through all the amazing fan art we’ve seen made of the various characters and pick the best summer-themed skin for each character!
Ready, let’s go!
CHARACTERS I COULDN’T FIND ANYTHING (FOR OBVIOUS REASONS): BASTION, ORISA, TORBJORN (I really tried, couldn’t find any art with a bearded dwarf!), WINSTON (without having actual legitimate drawing skills, I can’t make that one happen…), ZENYATTA
Ana (Obviously works better in her younger [Captain Amari] form. I mean, if you want old lady bikini Ana, I won’t stop you…)
D.Va (It works so perfectly being a cheesy school swimsuit!)
Doomfist (I know it’s not him, there’s no art to find. But seriously, have some balls and do this for someone of his size!)
Genji (Again, couldn’t find anything, but I like the colour style and the wristband’s a nice touch.)
Hanzo (Pretty standard, nothing too special here, don’t think he requires much.)
Junkrat (I just really love the symbol on the trunks.)
Lucio (As the guys are hard to find, not Lucio, but I think it fits, especially the whistle. I think it works perfectly.)
McCree (Nah, Blizzard got this one right.)
Mei (Adore this one, gives her such a beautiful look to her.)
Mercy ([left], Pharah [right] (Wow, this one worked perfectly for both! Pharah looks badass and Mercy looks perfect as a Baywatch lifeguard.)
Reaper (No you’re not crazy, it’s literally his default costume. Just make it a free skin and claim it’s his swimwear. I find it hilarious.)
Reinhardt (He’s still got the abs to pull it off.)
Roadhog (Don’t bitch out on this one, Blizzard. Everyone wants equality? Here ya go!)
Soldier 76 (In all honesty, this is good, just make the swim trunks more Hawaiian.)
Sombra (Tough pick between a one-piece and a bikini, but I really like the contrast with this one.)
Symmetra (Wasn’t even a question, I’ve had this art lying around for a while, maybe just for this article?)
Tracer (Well I mean she has to have the chronal accelerator on. And you can’t give me hell for the butt pose, I have Roadhog in a freaking speedo!!!)
Widowmaker (Look this isn’t a serious thing I’m doing, so allow me to have one character so blatantly overly sexualized that it’s almost offensive, okay?)
Zarya (Obviously add more muscle, but hey let’s give her a little more sexiness too, eh? She can be a strong-ass woman and still look attractive! Also that hair looks so freaking sweet.)
So there you have it, my totally 100% real and absolutely serious ideas for what Overwatch should’ve done for this year’s summer-themed skins and such.
Okay in all seriousness, it’s always cool when Blizzard pops out new skins, but I was hoping for a little more, especially when Widowmaker’s skin showed up in my feed. We need to stop getting all offended at swimwear like it actually matters in the context of the game. Even the most serious people take off their normal clothes and suit up in swim trunks and bikinis once in a while, folks! So why not the Overwatch cast?
Seriously though, that Pharah/Mercy picture. Hot damn!