The Hardest Decision I’ve Had To Make

In about two weeks time, it will mark 3 full years since I started doing the anime weeklies. Which really brings me great disdain to say it won’t make its anniversary.

The Christmas holidays for me really triggered a feeling inside of me that I was trying severely hard to suppress for quite some time. I mentioned in my pseudo “state of the union” address having to do with my seasonal anime posts that I was already in a weird place in my own head about these posts, but regardless of the things I talked about, my intentions were to keep things going. But as I’ve come to learn over the years I’ve been posting here, onto YouTube, podcasting, etc., things are always subject to change.

I’ll say it flat out: I don’t like doing them anymore. And I’ve said it several times pertaining to other things I used to do on the blog page, if it feels like work to me, I’m not going to do it. So what changed in just over a month’s time? Honestly, I don’t think much did change, I just stopped lying to myself. The weeklies have been really the one thing that I’ve told myself week after week that if there’s anything I need to do to prove that I have the drive to do something, to stay consistent, the weeklies were that thing. Whether I barely had the time, I would make it for the weeklies, because they had to get done.

It’s gotten to a point I think where I’ve realized that perhaps a big part of why I was dropping so many shows so quickly was because of the weeklies. Every episode clocks in at around 20 minutes if you’re like me and skipping the OP and ED, but once I have to write things out, posts screencaps on Twitter and all the stuff I usually do, it adds almost double the time if I had just watched the episode. And I think along with the extra time consumption, a bigger problem has been occurring in that I’m not just sitting back and enjoying the show anymore.

Yesterday, I watched the 12th and 13th episodes of the four shows I had left this season, except for Bunny Girl Senpai’s finale, which I will probably end up watching by the weekend. It’s been a while since I was so relaxed watching Slime especially, but also Radiant and UzaMaid. It really does make me wonder if my lack of enjoyment of the past year or so of anime really does have something to do with the “workload” I’ve put on myself. Maybe a large part of why I haven’t been enjoying anime as much really is just that I haven’t allowed myself to enjoy watching anime.

So what does this mean for the page? It means the Monday post is over, that is for sure. It may even mean a post every week is over, depending on whether or not I have something I want to write about. It still remains true that I want to do something as an internet personality, whether it’s writing here, posting videos on YouTube, podcasting and everything in between. Just like other times that I’ve come on here and talked about ending something I normally do and giving you the ol’ spiel of how I’m stressed or trying my ass off to figure out how to stay interesting here, this is one of those times. I want to keep this going, I want to do something interesting and not just for you guys, but for me as well. Because if I can’t enjoy what I’m doing, what’s the chances you good folks will?

Which brings me to you guys and this is as honest as it gets from me. HOW THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU PUT UP WITH ME?!!! Seriously, nothing has lifted my spirits in the past couple years more than seeing e-mails from WordPress showing the same people liking my content week after week after week. I’ve probably said it enough times to make someone sick, but I really can’t thank you guys enough for sticking around here and engaging with the little content that I try to provide on here. Every like, every share, every comment, it continues to amaze me and make me smile.

So my goal is to figure out what’s next. I’ve got an article I’m about to start writing after I finish this bloody thing and in my head right now, I’m thinking that once the Winter season starts, there’s probably some sort of article that I can write either describing a show I start that’s either absolute trash or an absolute gem of a surprise. There’s always one.

4 comments

  1. terranceacrow · · Reply

    I think it’s very healthy to be honest with yourself! Blogging is a _ton_ of work. So if you’re not getting what you want out of it, you’re absolutely making the right decision.

    The only thing I’d encourage you to do is to make sure you understand what your goals are. You’ve invested almost three years into this platform and you’ve gained all of that experience. That is absolutely not trivial! But you’ve got to know your why.

    Why am I being so emphatic? Guess who’s also evaluating where he spends his time! Yep, me!

    So now I’m going to make myself a liar when I said the “only thing I’d encourage you to do” by suggesting one more thing: You can write. That’s my professional opinion as an editor (don’t tell anyone because it’s a secret I try to keep, but I’m a lot better as an editor than a writer, and yes I know that’s not saying much). So come up with a goal that combines your talents and leverages the experience base you just built and go for it.

    Good luck!

    Like

    1. CSRadical · · Reply

      The upside is that my goals are pretty simple: Do something that allows my creativity to flow and enjoy whatever it is I’m doing to satiate that. So all in all, I’m doing great on that part!

      But I also really, REALLY appreciate the nice comments, especially the “you can write” part. You have no idea how much those words truly mean to me. So thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t think I’be interacted with you much before, but I do enjoy your posts and hope you take some time to rest and enjoy your anime! Enjoy the rest of your holidays. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. CSRadical · · Reply

      Yeah, I don’t think we’ve interacted yet, but regardless I really appreciate the nice comments!

      Liked by 1 person

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