Category Archives: Gaming

This Week in Sexy Games – Dead or Alive Xtreme 3

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This might not actually be a weekly article, but at the rate things are going, it’s starting to look like it.

News has hit the Internets that the recently announced Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 (releasing in Asian markets Feb. 25) will not ever see a Western release because of essentially the potential of “Social Justice Warriors” striking, according to the DOA official Facebook Page.

Well there goes my birthday present… (mine’s the 26th)

Of course, the first article I search up on this issue ends up being IGN’s article on it, which as sexy game related articles tend to be, was very short and shaming the game itself. While not directly talking about Xtreme 3, they referenced the last Dead or Alive entry, DOA 5: Last Round with the following excerpt from their review of it:

“When you’re in the midst of a tense, down-to-the-last-read match in the middle of a battlefield erupting with explosions, Dead or Alive 5: Last Round is great. When that fight is compromised by out-of-place barely legal schoolgirls in bikinis or a game-crashing bug, it’s decidedly less than great, and the experience you’ll get will depend whether your online opponents choose to play as one of the more interesting characters.”

Once again, a game because it has game-crashing bugs sexual content in it, they have to take shots at it. They even say at points the actual game itself is pretty good and DOA has always been a pretty good fighting game. But apparently people just cannot get past the fact that the series will always have sexualized characters in it, nor have they just accepted the fact it will always be a part of the Dead or Alive series.

You can make every excuse you want about the game. At the end of the day, you’re doing nothing more than wasting oxygen and everyone’s time by getting all up in arms about the fact that the series features girls in sexy costumes, bikinis and more and then have a side series of games that’s literally just them in swimsuits playing volleyball and butt-bumping into a pool.

All you have to do, is not acknowledge its existence. Don’t buy it, don’t click on anything about it and most of all, DON’T TALK ABOUT IT! It amazes me that these SJWs believe that yelling about it anywhere and everywhere will solve the problem. It’s not hard, kids. If you want something consumer-related to go away, you don’t consume it. That saying “vote with your wallet” applies tenfold here. Companies will change what they do if no one’s buying it, nor talking about it. I believe that’s actually a large part of why DOA Xtreme 3 won’t be getting a Western release, it didn’t sell. I don’t know a single person who ever owned a copy of it. Japan on the other hand, will buy the fuck out of this content, because unlike the reserved North American society, they have no problem saying they like pretty girls in bikinis and will pay money for it.

Was I planning to buy the game? Absolutely not, but not because of the content and certainly not because people would judge me, I could care less what people I don’t know think about me. The games generally cost as much, or almost as much as a big AAA title and games like Destiny and Fallout 4 are certainly going to offer me far more hours of gameplay that DOA Xtreme 3. If that game came out at $20? I might actually consider it. But at $60+? Not a chance.

Just remember folks, the game is a massive over-exaggeration on every aspect. The women are impossibly perfect in their looks, their personalities are fake like any excited group of girls you’d see playing around in a cheesy movie or commercial.

And let’s be real, if there was a place where ONLY the most attractive women on the planet got together to wear basically the skimpiest swimwear around, play games and essentially flirt with each other, they would not have any cameras around to film it.

Just ignore it, people. It’s really not that hard. I don’t mind sexual content in games and I completely forgot that these games existed until they announced the third installment.

It’s just girls in bikinis playing volleyball and stuff, sheesh. Not like the game’s called Dead or Alive Xtreme Big Black Dildo Sexy Party 3. Shit, rule 34. It’s going to exist now. Sorry guys!

More Violence Mods = Awesome – Nude Mods = OFFENSIVE!!!

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So I read Kotaku’s brief article on the discovery that there’s already a nude mod for the PC version of Fallout 4. There’s almost no writing in the article, clearly it’s meant to shame the users who created the mod and make light-hearted jokes about the mod itself.

I get it, you don’t want to post an article about one of the biggest games of the year that amounts to “Hey kids! Check out the awesome mod for Fallout 4, it’s got boobies! Boobies are rockin’, man!”. But I’m getting a little sick and tired of acting like it’s this horrifying and sickening thing when people make these mods. Actually altogether I’m a little sick and tired of people being so shocked by tits in the first place.

Once again it comes down to this super PC (that’s politically correct, not PC master race) culture that we’ve sunk into the past decade. Yet it still baffles me beyond belief that we’re more focused on saying sex is more offensive than violence. If a mod comes out where there are even more gore-crazy ways to kill raiders and mutants in the game, it’ll be advertised as something cool and badass. But no clothes on a FICTIONAL CHARACTER in a NOT REAL setting, that’s too much, right?

Am I saying nude mods are all right? Yes and no. I’m not saying it’s okay for these mods to be in ANY and EVERY game, I don’t think Barbie’s Horse Adventures is the kind of game to be modding that into. But as far as I’m concerned, any game above a T-rating I have no problem with. You’re probably saying to yourself “But Adam, nudity in games has to come with a game that’s at least M-rated, sex itself for AO-rated.” but I always bring this point up in conversations when this topic comes out. How young were you the first time you saw someone around your age naked? More often than not, whenever I ask that question to people their answers range between 13 and 17. Funny, that’s about the age range between a T-rating and a M-rating. We need to start accepting the facts that most kids are aware of sex by the age of 13 and have probably lost their virginity before the age you’re supposed to be even watching porn.

We need to stop living in this North American culture that has no problem with violence, especially the States, where fighting over the rights to own a machine gun isn’t as ridiculous as homosexual sex and women wanting the rights to go topless in public, or hell even breastfeed their child in public. Why is sex more offensive to people than violence? How is the act that gives life more offensive to people than acts that bring death?

I’ve used nude mods in games before, hell I’ve played my share of porn games. How many of us when we were younger were playing all those shitty adult flash games on Newgrounds? And I’m sure the majority of us playing those weren’t 18+. I’ve played porn/hentai games, I’ve used nude mods in games before and I’m certainly no sexual deviant, pervert, creeper, etc. I’m in a happy, healthy relationship of over 8 years now and through all of it, I’ve partaken in these apparently extremely offensive and sinful works, our relationship hasn’t changed in the slightest.

There will always be people out there that will fall into those creepy categories of people, but they are in the very distant minority. Most people that download and play this kind of content are healthy men and women that just wanna see some nicely-rendered naked male and female (once again) FICTIONAL characters in their favourite games. If you want to shame them and the mod creators, shame the same people who make these overly-gory mods as well. Those should be falling into the AO-rated category as well.

I guarantee you, if the first nude mod was male only rather than female, this wouldn’t be an issue. We only laugh at dong physics, there’s no criticism there.

But titties?! Call the ESRB! Call the FCC! Call the FBI, CIA, MI6, everyone! We have an emergency!

Top 10 Female Video Game Characters I’d Sleep With

***If you have a problem with lists like these, they’re not real women. Spare me the sexism and over-sexualization speeches. Read this article I wrote too.***

To clarify on this list, the 10 female characters you will see on this list are NOT characters that I’d fall in love with, hang out with, have a relationship with, anything of the sort. This is the 10 girls in video games that I’d totally without regret have a rockin’ one-night stand with, nothing more. A Top 10 list of the characters I’d marry? Now that’s a list for another day!

Now I shouldn’t have to explain myself here, but just in case those reading this list feel like blowing a gasket at this list, here’s a heads up. Remember that this is my own personal list, so the girls who made this list are based on my own preferences for what I’m attracted to. Also a lot of the choices on this list are not strictly just for looks, some of them have some logical reasons behind them as well. For example, she may be a girl I would love nothing more than to have around every day, but because of certain reasons, maybe a one-time-only would be best for my own safety. So just keep this in mind, my list will easily be different than pretty much everyone else’s.

So let’s get right to it!

10

I’m starting off with an extremely random and very uncommon character. As far as I know, not a lot of people ended up playing RAGE. It’s not a great game by any means, I pretty much forget everything about this game, that is except for Loosum. She shows up early on in the game to teach you how to master the Wingsticks and the moment I laid my eyes on her, she was just absolutely perfect. At the time in 2011 when this game came out, it was showing off id Software’s new Tech 5 engine, so it was top of the line graphics being pumped out, so Loosum had a distinct advantage going in. Character-wise, there’s not a whole lot to say, since she’s around for all of five minutes of importance. She has some spunk to her and she certainly knows how to show herself off, she knows she’s gorgeous. Personally, I’d consider keeping her around, but the first name just breaks it for me. “So what’s your wife’s name?” “*sigh* Loosum…” Yeah…that ain’t gonna fly.

09

As a heads up, Cammy is pretty much the only character on this list that would be considered by the video gaming community as a sex symbol. Generally speaking, the video game vixens that are on the top of everyone’s list just don’t fit any other criteria from me other than having a great body. But Cammy is so damn smoking hot, that she manages to make the list anyways. Although she holds a special place in my heart because she pretty much is the first video game character I saw on screen that fit the bill of being that sexy girl in a video game. I played Super Street Fighter II for the SNES a ton as a kid and Cammy was my main character, admittedly her ass was half the reason I picked her all the time, I was actually pretty good with her too, so it just happened to work out perfectly. If there’s any video game girl that’s on the top of everyone else’s lists that I’d have to pick over all the others, she’s without a doubt the one for me to go with.

08

Another anomaly on this list, I would think. Very few people play the Guilty Gear games and that’s a damn shame. So this lovely tanned, light-haired expressionless evil non-human girl from the Backyard will likely be even less-known as she’s from the newest game, Guilty Gear Xrd. She falls into the category of girls in games that I’d love to spend the night with, but the likelyhood of dying trying to get to that point makes it pretty difficult. But from playing the story mode of GGXrd, I really fell in love with her character, her expressionless voice and demeanor makes her extremely adorable to me to the point I want to try and snap her out of it, she seems like the girl that would be just a giant cutie once she opens up. And to top it all off, I have a giant soft spot for anime-drawn tanned or darker skinned girls. I don’t know why, especially since it doesn’t translate into real life at all.

07

Malon’s simply a victim of living in a world I would just refuse to live in and I know I wouldn’t be able to pry her out of it. She’s probably the overall prettiest girl on this list and certainly the most homely. But if I were to consider her for my future Top 10 Video Game Girls I’d Marry list, I’d have to commit to living the farm life and there’s no goddamn way you’d catch me working my ass off on a farm, I wouldn’t survive. And judging her character, like I said there’s no way you’re prying this lovely redhead away from that life either. What a damn shame…

06

Lightning is the prime example of a girl you would never catch me dead spending any more time than I’d have to with her. She’s absolutely insufferable, a constant pain in the ass, I can’t listen to her speak for more than a few words before I want to punch her in the face. But goddamn did Square Enix draw her superbly. Of course only the idiots at Square Enix would create one of the most hateable female characters I’ve ever known, yet also make her arguably the hottest Final Fantasy girl of all (yes, that includes rivaling Tifa). I just hope that if I was to ever share a bed with her, I wouldn’t have to listen to hours of her brooding about her sister.

05

Persona 4 is pretty much my favourite game of all-time. There isn’t a single character in the series that I have a major problem with and when it comes to the many female characters in the game, the majority of them are in consideration for the Top 10 Marry list. But Rise is the odd one out. It’s funny, she’s clearly presented as the hottest girl in the game and she is without any doubt. However when it comes to her character, she just doesn’t grab my attention nearly enough compared to all the others to follow through on anything other than a single night. It could be the fact she’s overly flirty, the fact she’s an idol and would be constantly targeted by other guys, or just the fact she (depending on when I’d catch her) struggles to figure out who she really is, where the line between her normal self or the idol persona. Either way, I’d love to hang out with her, but certainly not in a dating manner.

04

We started the crazy and evil with Ramlethal at #8, now we resume that trend with likely the most dangerous lady on this list. I’m noting that I’d prefer the Mass Effect 3 version of Jack because I like her far more with hair and her new outfit. Jack was a tough one to place, there’s so many factors behind her being on this list. I love girls with tattoos, tomboys and some of the sexiest characters to me are the ones you know there’s no chance in hell you’d ever get with for any reason, but your physical well-being adds onto that with Jack. As we’ve seen in the Mass Effect series, she views sex as almost a common thing due to her screwed up life before meeting Shepard. But as quickly as she’ll bed you, she’s likely to tear you apart, literally. So for my own safety, as quick as she’d want to fuck, I’d just as quickly fuck off before I’d lose my life.

03

Now unlike Jack, she may not kill me, but the hundreds if not thousands of experiments she’d run on me if I ever happened to get close to her would be almost just as bad. But damn, talk about a 10/10, without a doubt the hottest Fire Emblem character. She also has a distinct advantage because anyone I’ve ever seen cosplay her has been just as gorgeous, she translates perfectly into real life as well. I’ve run through Awakening twice, the first time I made the boneheaded decision to have my character marry Lissa and immediately regretted it after getting to know Tharja a lot more. She gives off that forbidden fruit aura, the one girl you can’t resist, but you know that it would be in your best interests to not pursue her. But with that body, I wouldn’t blame anyone, male or female from going after her regardless.

02

The pinnacle of crazy, the girl that I know that I’d never be able to get close to. Jack would let you have a round and then you’re screwed. Tharja might let you in, but you’d be so messed up from all the experiments first, it might not even matter. But Tira, I don’t think there’s a chance in hell you’d be able to even touch her before she’d slice you apart with that ring blade. The first time I laid eyes on her in Soul Calibur III, that was it, I loved her. I was a huge Talim fan the previous game and I thought no one could top her, she was super pretty. But Tira just shot in with that amazing badass hair, the makeup, those piercing violet eyes and of course that phenomenal body. The artwork of her in the picture above is one of the best I’ve seen from any game, let alone fighting games. But behind that body is one of the most twisted, sadistic minds, one who would cut your throat within seconds of meeting you. Come to think of it, it would give her line “Awww you broke already? Oh well, I guess I’m done with you.” a new meaning. *shudders*

And finally, my #1 pick:

01

There’s a ton of reasons why Yuna’s at the top of this list. I’m sure most are surprised she’s not being considered on the Top 10 Marry list, most feel she’s very homely, a wonderful girl, beautiful as hell and all those are true. But there’s a bunch that put her on this side rather than the other. I wasn’t a huge fan of her FFX character, she was too softspoken and the whole super-religious thing immediately turned this atheist off, especially nowadays where it’s in full-swing. But the biggest problem with Yuna has nothing to do with her personally, it’s just a matter of being the odd one out. Logically if I lived in Spira, she simply wouldn’t be on my mind because of one thing:

This girl.

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So because of Rikku, Yuna ends up being at the top of the list, just because I would absolutely love to spend the rest of my life with her if she existed, but there’s already a girl in the same universe I’d pick over her. Sorry, Yunie!

I hope you all enjoyed this list, it was fun to make. Remember it’s not serious at all, it’s all in good fun. Your list will be way different than mine for various reasons. And most of all, if you think this is creepy to post, for god’s sake they’re not real, it doesn’t matter.

And realistically, don’t tell me you don’t fantasize about sleeping with someone. I just happen to have zero problems saying it out loud.