Tag Archives: bisexual

The Evolution Of My Bisexuality

It’s funny how things work sometimes. I was bored on Sunday night and I was looking through some of my old articles, because I had the thought that I hadn’t written a blog post aside from the anime weeklies in quite some time. Now I’ve been okay with this, as the transition back to YouTube has been successful thus far, I’ve been able to keep a decent flow of content coming. But my opinions really started flowing here on the blog, so once in a while I’d like to keep things running here.

So as I was browsing my old content, I came across this lovely article I wrote a full year ago (April 14th, 2017). It was an article that was long overdue for me in writing, being able to get something that at the time was new to me, something I wasn’t openly talking about so much. And that’d be my recent transition from a heterosexual male to a bisexual male.

If you’re curious about the original article, you can read it here.

A year later, if I was to tell you a lot changed, I’d be lying. My relationship has not changed one bit since writing that article. I’m still with my girlfriend and we’ve now reached 10 years together, a milestone that’s only serving to make my parents ask me more often when my girlfriend and I are getting married and having children, in which case I tune out, as neither are really in my peripheral vision at the moment and may never will. My 100% assurity of the fact that I do indeed have a sexual interest in the same-sex is definitely there and I know now that it will not fade away like it’s some phase. I am 100% bisexual through and through, it just appears that with my current life trajectory that I will never experience the “other side”.

This is where the majority of this post will be about. I’ve already told my story leading up to the moments where I accepted the evolution of my sexual interests. Now, it’s time to explore the realities of things, the fact that there are multiple reasons why I likely won’t ever see that other side of the sexual market, so to speak.

I’ve said it in the previous article on this topic and it still hasn’t changed much since then. I mentioned in that post that I know no one in real life who is male and I have a sexual attraction to. Though I will admit it’s easy to understand how this is the case. Given the body type and age range I appear to have that sexual interest in when it comes to men, I’m not exactly in the prime location to meet and hang around these kinds of guys. For starters, the guys I tend to have an interest in are very athletic (shocking, I know…) and while I do play recreational co-ed sports, I end up finding attractive girls in say a soccer league, whereas there aren’t really guys that grab my attention at all. I’m not a gym guy, so there’s another major location out of the way. I’ve tried the whole gym experience, I just think that for me, exercise is something I’d rather do either alone, or among friends. Lastly, I am 100% not into the club scene, so that is a major, MAJOR handicap I’m giving myself.

The other and more obvious problem I will inevitably have when it comes to exploring my bisexuality is the age gap that is ever-growing between me and the guys I appear to be into. As of right now, as a guy new to his 30s this year, the number of guys that look the way I’m attracted to begin to be less and less interested in me, based on my age. I would hazard a guess that the top echelon of guys I’m interested in right now fall into the 18-30 range and obviously as I get older, the odds of someone of that age range being interested in me continues to fall.

But most of all, and this is where I get most critical of myself, is just that I’m honestly not attractive enough to grab the attention of any of these guys that I’m interested in. I’m not gonna sit here and tell you I’m an ugly fuck, but I know that at best, I’m average and that’s about it. Admittedly, it’s been this acceptance that’s got me fired up about trying to take better care of my body. I’m hoping once I’m have my own living space again (and especially fridge space, because where I am right now, there’s literally none), I’ll eat better, exercise far more, all that jazz in the hopes of at the very least cutting the winter belly fat I’ve built up from being mostly indoors being lazy. After that, I can work on maybe putting some actual muscle on my body for the first time ever, as I’ve always been a thin guy.

At the very least, the past few years have really given me a chance to actually give an iota of shit about how I look. I’m certainly more aware of things like how my hair looks at any given moment, the kind of clothes I’m wearing for a certain occasion (normally I’d just wear an Iron Maiden t-shirt and jeans to everything), hell I’ve become a picky son of a bitch when it comes to underwear nowadays. And yes, that includes deciding when to wear boxers, or go all the way down to briefs. Hell, here’s another old article if you wanna check that out, click here, this one being a two-year old classic on another transition I went through, from plain ol’ boxers, to much more vibrant underwear.

A year ago, I made a post describing my initial journey into this newfound land I had no idea was as enticing as it was. A year later, I wouldn’t say a whole lot has changed since then. In terms of anime art, my preferences haven’t expanded at all, it’s pretty much the same stuff I’m paying attention to. In terms of real guys, I’ve certainly found more images online that have piqued my interest, but like I said earlier, finding such guys in real life has not been as easy.

I’m pretty much aware at this point that the kind of guys I’d be interested in are simply too high a bar for me to reach. I’ve said this to friends before, but I think this is the first time I’m saying this on the blog: I think we are all not just bisexual, but pansexual. Here’s the catch. Let’s say you’re an average run-of-the-mill, heterosexual guy. You’ve got an endless supply of girls to choose from, but guys? Not so much. You may think you have zero interest, but let’s be honest, if you had zero interest, you’d struggle to watch porn where you’re looking at a guy’s junk and ass.

So let’s take me for example. On the classic 1-10 scale, I personally view myself as a 5 and that might be generous given my winter belly fat now. From a heterosexual point of view, I’d reckon that I’d have an interest into girls that range from a 4 and up. Though like most people, when it comes to 4s, 5s and 6s, they have to fall into certain parameters. In my case, yes, it does have to do with the body type, race, the kind of clothes they wear, the hairstyle they have, things like that.

Now let’s take guys for a spin. If I was to guess the number for a guy to be considered “attractive” to my eyes, I think at the very least, they’d have to be an 8. And there’s that catch I was talking about earlier. If I’m into guys who are minimum an 8/10 and yet I’m a 5/10, that severely limits my options, doesn’t it? I mean if I was an 8, would I be interested in a 5, when I could just as easily have anything above a 7? It’s tough to say, but I have to assume that most people that high would not go that far down the range for a little tail. Thus my feelings on how it’s very likely I won’t ever experience that “other side”. Hell, this would even go for the transgender side of things, where that number is even higher, as I can count the number of transgender folk I have come across online that I would absolutely be interested in a night of fun with, I can count them on one hand.

I believe we all have an interest in every kind of person out there, hell even aliens we don’t even know exist. The only catch is that for some of these people, the number is unobtainable. There’s a heterosexual guy who’d be into having sex with a guy, but he’s never going to meet a 10/10 guy who’d be interested in him, hell that number may even be an 11, a level of attractiveness that can only be reached through fiction like anime, or through technology that we just don’t have yet. It’s how I started after all, I started finding attractive anime guys, where the levels range above 10, some I could say are in the 20s. And yes, I’m aware of how much sense this doesn’t make.

The difference is that some of us are able to slowly lower that bar, in the way that I started with anime guys and eventually opened up to the idea of something more than that, something real, something obtainable. I may not ever be able to touch that (both figuratively and certainly literally…), but I’ve opened up to the possibilities, and have accepted that there is more out there than just abiding by the status quo.

We’re not held down by what we consider to be traditional. We also don’t need to follow in the usual steps of people who are making that transition into being something other than your standard heterosexual human being. You don’t have to be flamboyant, you don’t have to be butch. You don’t have to like certain colours, hell you don’t even have to talk about wanting to suck a dick or eat some pussy. I’ve said it before, but I don’t think your sexuality really has much bearing on the kind of person you are. So don’t let your sexuality define what you have to be, how you dress, how you speak, how you act. Just be you, whatever “you” is.

And if that you also happens to think that the possibility of Ganondorf from the Zelda series being attractive as a younger, smaller male is a thing, then go for it! I know I did…

[NSFW] Fantasies Changing With The Times

From the moment puberty hits, we as young boys and girls start to fantasize about the kinds of people that we have some sort of sexual interest in. Some of us think about sex a lot, some of us think about sex a little, some of us think about sex with boys, some of us think about sex with girls, some of us think about sex with both. Hell, there’s so many intricate things that define our own sexual fantasies. We’ve got things like gender, race, age, body type, specific hair/eye colours, specific hairstyles, specific clothing whether underwear, swimwear or basic clothing. There are so many things about people that we can use to set up our perfect sexual fantasies and we do so as we begin to nail down our sexual preferences throughout our teen years.

However, as we get older and older, in what I imagine is almost all cases, our fantasies begin to change, the type of people we’re into changes, the range generally expands, or in some rare cases, it gets really specific. My case is no different, in the past five years especially, my range of people that I’ve become sexually attracted to has evolved so much more than what it was before those past five years. So I thought this would be an interesting topic to bring up, as I’m still on the high of unlocking a completely new world in my own head and I’m sure for many, this is the kind of stuff that few people will talk about and most will stay quiet about. So I hope this helps a few people be okay with some of the more “embarrassing” changes in their lives.

So to start off, I figured I would go from the very beginning and work my way to where I’ve ended up today.

I can safely say that the first years of my life where I really started looking at girls as more than just this mysterious other kind of people that weren’t boys, it would’ve been in Grade 7 while I was 12 and 13 years old. I think the grade before I had it in my head that something was changing inside of me, but it wasn’t until Grade 7 where I truly understood what exactly was going on and what specifically it was that was grabbing my attention. At the time I was in elementary school in a small country town. There were only two classes per grade, classes were about 20-25 people, so there wasn’t a whole lot for me to check out in my early stages, while many who grew up in the city had A LOT more to choose from.

There was one specific girl that really kickstarted my interest in girls and a type of girl that has remained a key interest of mine all the way through my life thus far. I’ve always been into smaller girls, as in short girls, slender, not too much in the chest (I’ve never really been big into large breasts, pun completely intended) and this one girl in my Grade 7 class was the one who cemented that forever in my brain. I still vividly remember to this day how she looked in gym class, she always wore a red t-shirt and black shorts, neither were all that tight, unlike what pretty much every girl wears today from the day they’re born. I think she became a huge part of my preferences in girls because she was the first one I was interested in and she wasn’t overwhelmingly sexy, she was pretty, cute, rather than being hot and sexy. I’d like to think that’s a major reason as to why I tend to divert my attention to more cute and pretty girls, rather than the kind of girls that every guy rants about to his friends about how “smoking hot she is, dude!” and stuff like that.

The following year is when I found my second love. Up until the age of 14, I was a country boy who went to school with other country kids and everyone pretty much operated under what we perceive as “normality”. As far as I could tell, no one was homosexual, I could count on one hand how many non-white kids were in my school, things like that. But the most important thing was that every boy acted as a boy should, every girl acted as a girl should. There weren’t any effeminate boys, there weren’t any tomboyish girls. In Grade 8 however, I had moved to a larger town, now there were five classes in my grade alone and I was seeing new kinds of girls. Because in my country elementary school there was a level playing field, I had never seen the archetypal “mean girls” kind of girls, y’know the blonde bombshells who hang around the jocks, they’re always wearing tight pants and able to do the splits in gym class.

But the biggest revelation to me was that of tomboys, a kind of girl I had never considered before. There were two specific cases where I got opened up to this new “breed” of young girls my brain never conceived of.

The first was when I got dragged to someone’s house by my mother because it was after a baseball game I played and she needed to go somewhere to get something, I can’t remember those details. But I got lucky, this woman had a daughter, a year younger than me. At first glance she looked like a normal girl, she had long brown hair in a long, braided ponytail, she had a white t-shirt and pink shorts on, she looked like a regular girl. But she got excited seeing me come in, like a new friend arriving and she took me into her room. I thought I was walking into a pink, stuffed animal ridden situation, nope! Rock band posters, specifically AC/DC and Motley Crue are the two I can remember seeing and instead of showing me something cute and silly, like her endless parade of Barbie dolls, we played PlayStation games together! As a 14 year-old country boy, the idea of a girl who loved rock music and played video games was an alien thing to me! I have few regrets, re-connecting with her is something I should’ve done. I cannot remember her name, which drives me crazy considering how much I remember about that day.

The second was a girl in my Grade 8 middle school. She wasn’t in my class, I wish she had been, I would’ve loved to pick her brain more. We always would see each other at recess though. A lot of kids will remember the ol’ classic game of throwing a tennis ball at the wall and that was pretty much every recess for me, I always loved playing that. So did she and at first she seemed relatively normal as well, but by the time summer rolled around, she changed a ton. Most girls walked around in short shorts, pink tops, showing off their cleavage, all that jazz, this girl was so different. She left on vacation for a week and when she came back, she was completely different looking. She had cut her hair much shorter, she was tanned a bit and it was the first time I’d seen her in a top that didn’t cover her entire top half. She had abs! My brain exploded, now I had two completely new images of what girls can look like or be like, rather than the stereotypical normal forms I was pre-disposed to before.

My high school years pretty much shaped out the rest of my interests. Once I really hit 16, I stepped away from just liking smaller white girls that my country boy days stuck with and really started opening up to others I never really had the opportunity to see in person. While I still wasn’t into girls with massive breasts, I was at least taking an interest in those around the middle of the pack in terms of bust size. But the biggest change came in the additions of a second race of girls that I took a real interest into, which today is actually my number one favourite race in terms of popping out drop dead gorgeous women, that being Asian girls.

There wasn’t specifically a single girl that did it for me, though I did end up dating a Chinese girl for four months, where I certainly had the chance to spend time with an Asian girl and really get a good look at just how goddamn beautiful they are. In reality, it was just the sudden influx of them that I saw in high school and also in my many places of work. To this day, I can’t off the top of my head think of any Asian girl that I’ve come to know on a name-to-name basis that I wouldn’t consider attractive.

The other love I discovered during high school, was just how gorgeous natural redhead girls are, especially coupled with freckles. To this day, it’s weird to me how people generally bully “ginger” boys and girls because of how they look. Now I don’t have any say on the looks of boys of that ilk, but I don’t know what people see wrong with girls of this type, because just like Asian girls, I’m hard-pressed to think of any natural red-haired girls, including freckle-laden girls that I knew on a name-to-name basis that weren’t drop dead gorgeous. Who knows, maybe it’s just me, but yeah, I never understood why people thought differently of them. Unlike Asian girls though, I never got the chance to date a natural redhead. I certainly tried a few times, but nothing ever came to fruition.

So by the time I exited college and really began my years in my 20s, I had a pretty solid foundation and setup when it came to girls I was into. I figured this would be where I stayed for the rest of my life, maybe a slight deviation here and there, but nothing too major.

So as a recap, this was my interests heading into my early to mid-20s:

  1. Smaller girls, both in height and bust size
  2. Tomboys, whether more sporty girls or gamer girls
  3. Asian girls
  4. Redheads

In the past five years, though really in the last year and change especially, my spectrum of people I’m sexually interested in has changed drastically. Though maybe changed isn’t the right word, because the four mains I listed earlier hasn’t changed at all, they’re all still there and at the top of the list. I think it’s more accurate to say my sexual interests in terms of the kinds of people I fantasize about has expanded dramatically.

So in order, here’s all the major additions to my list over the past five years:

#1 – Goth/Punk/Emo Girls

This is probably the one case that I think was more because I didn’t see many of them in my younger years, because generally speaking these kinds of girls already follow at least one category I’m into, that being tomboys. Obviously not every girl that follows the punk/metal lifestyle is necessarily a tomboy, but I would say a good chunk of them associate with that kind of girl, as most girls are “expected” to follow the usual lifestyle of liking hot boys, pop music and dancing, rather than music that is very hard, extreme and in some ways violent.

I think what really drew me to them more is the colours, whether it’s their hair, clothes, whatever they use to define themselves. A lot of it is also my love for anime crossing over, as a lot of these girls have crazy coloured hair, unique outfits, stuff that the average anime girl portrays in their world. But most of all, it’s much like tomboys, the idea that there’s an extremely attractive girl in front of me AND she loves metal music, video games, anime, that kind of stuff? I’m in!

#2 – Dark-skinned Girls

This isn’t specific to black women necessarily, but I can say with a straight face that throughout high school and college, I had zero interest in black women, simply on the basis that I didn’t find any of them attractive. Perhaps it was something in my head that needed time to evolve, or maybe I just didn’t know any truly attractive black women up until recently, but in the past five years, I have completely changed on this front. From 13 to my mid-20s, it was either white or Asian and nothing else. Now I’m a lot more open to all other non-white races, whether we’re talking black woman, Hispanic women, Arabic women, pretty much every race out there, I’m open to a lot more now, large in thanks to me being attracted to essentially the darkest colour of skin. Some more than others, but I’m no longer in the state of mind where I would say to myself “Ehhh, I don’t think girls from India are that hot…”, I’m now in a state of mind where a girl from any race is more than capable of being hot.

I’m not really sure how this started, at least in terms of a specific person I knew. I think it was just from looking at various pictures of girls over time and I started to find more and more girls that were just as hot as white girls I liked, the only difference was their skin colour. And as my mind opened up more and more, I eventually came to the intelligent and correct conclusion that it’s just a different colour, the body is still the same. A hot girl is still a hot girl, it doesn’t matter what colour she is.

I also don’t think I’m allowed to say a specific race of girls aren’t hot anymore when I find the Asari from Mass Effect to be the hottest race ever.

#3 – “Bigger” Girls

When I say bigger, I mean bigger in terms of their bust size and their butts, I don’t mean in terms of weight, you can call me a misogynist or whatever you like, I don’t really care. Like I said earlier, in my younger years I wasn’t too interested in girls who the average guy thought was the sexiest thing ever, that being girls with big boobs, big butts, the kind of girl we associate with models and especially porn stars. I think originally, it was large (pun intended) due to me just being attracted to smaller girls in every sense, as my main interests being tomboys, Asians and redheads, we associate those three types of girls as having more smaller frames, including smaller breasts and smaller butts.

There really wasn’t a specific person that turned me over on these kinds of girls, I think it was just a matter of a constant exposure to them and my brain eventually starting to relax on the issue. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become less and less picky about things, so I imagine this is one of those many things that I got a bit lax on. At this current juncture, I think it’s pretty safe to say that these girls were never not attractive, I just chose not to look in their direction for quite some time. Because at this very moment, just looking at Jessica Nigri in her sexy Tracer cosplay (left girl in the picture above), I don’t have a clue why I wasn’t into a girl who looked like that when I was 18 years old. I kind of what to smack 18 year-old me right now for that.

#4 – “Extremely Fit” Girls

In my head already, a “healthy” girl is extremely attractive. But it’s taken quite some time to lean further in the category of girls that are very fit, specifically girls that still are slender in body type, but instead of just being your typical girl having nice boobs and a nice butt, these girls also have abs and a defined muscular form. Now I don’t lean too far in this category, there is a point where it becomes too much. I think when these girls have giant arms and I can see the veins in their abs, that’s a pretty big turn off. But a girl who’s pretty much just got a bit of a six-pack along with the kind of female body I’m already into? I’m more than into that now.

You’re probably reading this and thinking “Hey wait…wasn’t one of the girls that got you into tomboys have abs?” and you’d be correct. The thing is though, she was really the only girl I saw from then until my mid-20s who displayed that. In the last five years, the fitness craze has skyrocketed with things like Crossfit becoming super popular. So it was less of an “I wasn’t interested.” kind of situation and more of an “I haven’t seen many of them.” kind of thing.

#5 – Older Women

This is easily the most natural conversion that the majority of us will experience as we get older ourselves. Obviously as you age, you almost always are attracted to those who are the same age as you, so it’s only natural you’d enjoy women in their 20s and 30s as you age into your 20s and 30s. As I was a young college student, I never would’ve considered a woman in her early 30s to be attractive, she was so many years older than me! Now I’m 29, a year away from hitting 30 myself, now all of a sudden I have no problem thinking about having sexual relations with a woman who’s say 35. I’m now far more open to women older than me, because I’m getting to that age where there are women who look the exact same in body type and how old they actually look and yet one could be 24 and one could be 36.

The reasoning behind this is literally just a matter of me being older, like I just mention earlier. I’m no longer 18 years old, a woman 10+ older than me back then is now the same age or just a couple years older than me today. Now I’m still in the perspective that I’d be hard-pressed to be attracted to women over the age of 40, but that will only change as I age more and more.

#6 – Males

This has been the last addition to my expanding interests and tastes, though this one comes with a bit of an exception to it. If you’ve read my article about my newfound bisexuality, “The Curious Case of My Bisexuality” (click here if you haven’t!), you know that my desire for men is a bit different than pretty much everyone. Unlike essentially anyone who’s attracted to men, I’ve yet to find a male in real-life that I truly experience an innate sexual desire towards, my entire library of males that I’d be interested in are completely and 100% fictional, due to things like anime art, which by design makes everything that much more enticing.

It’s still funny to me as I’m adjusting to this new ideology in my head, especially when it’s so specific. I’ve gone out of my way to try and find a real-life connection to this desire and so far while there are a couple that can get my attention, it’s nowhere near the same level that I got to when I really opened up to these feelings when I found anime art from artists like Mazjojo and Zamius (another article, click here!), who really made it easy for me to transition in.

It’s easy to say this is the one that will have a lot more room to expand upon, so who knows, maybe a year from now it’ll be easier for me to find a real-life connection.

It’s so crazy to me to look back on how specific my sexual desires were when I was younger. But then again, it doesn’t seem so surprising now when I’ve had essentially another 15 years to really open my mind to newer things and 15 years to discover things I never thought I’d be interested in. Ever.

What I hope to gain from writing this article, is that for the many of you that may be going through a huge change in your life as well, it’s something to look at and understand that it’s not just you. Now I’m not saying this solely for people making a transition into being bisexual or gay altogether, it’s for the biggest change and the smallest change. It’s not abnormal to think that it’s strange how one can change their opinions on anything, hell I did for a little while through all of this. I mean come on, I went from liking a specific body type, age range and a couple different races, to be open to pretty much every race, a much wider age range, more lee-way on body types and of course, a completely different gender! How could I not think it’s strange to make that leap?

But in the end, it’s just something that comes with getting older. You have more time under your belt, more experience, you’ve had the opportunity to find and interact with so many more people and by doing so, you’ve allowed your brain to expand its already massive library of knowledge. With more information, you make more decisions. When you make more decisions, you will inevitably tip the scales in one direction or another. With age, some get even more specific, but others also become more open to anything and everything. It’s not abnormal, in fact it’s the most normal thing you can do as a human, to open up more and more as you learn and experience more.

Besides, why not give yourself more sexual options? If you’re single, it’s just that many more opportunities to bed someone, y’know?

The Curious Case of My Bisexuality

I’ve casually mentioned it a couple of times in various articles I’ve posted on the site that pertain to sexuality. Whether it’s my fight to not get sexual content censored, rather have all forms of media include “fanservice” of both men and women in their content, whether it’s my comments about people “announcing” their sexuality to the world and how it’s not newsworthy, nor does it define you as a person, whether it’s any other post that I’ve talked about that carries a sexual overtone to it, I’ve mentioned a “deep, dark secret” about myself that my mind is completely insignificant, but in the current society, it’s actually a big deal apparently.

So I’ll say it again and I’ll try to explain it as best I can, because the subject of this article is about the nature of my sexuality and how I’ve handled it in the past couple years.

The best way to explain my sexuality is that I am bisexual, but when it comes to men, I’ve had a lot of trouble converting that curiosity and desire into real life. It may sound strange to some reading this, but when it comes to males, I have not found a single male in my life that I’ve been sexually attracted to. The only males I’ve taken a sexual interest in are fictional and mostly within anime/manga. Now I’m not saying that there isn’t a single male in real life I’m attracted to, I have found pictures and videos of some were there is an attraction, but they’re not people I’ve seen and met in person, so to me, it’s under the same banner as a fictional character. They’re a person I’m seeing through the looking glass, they’re not real people to me, they’re characters in a way.

The transition started very slowly. I’m constantly looking for more anime art, so I’m always going through galleries full of pictures of anything and everything you can find. So it’s no surprise that I would eventually come across more feminine and androgynous looking males through these many anime galleries. At the beginning, I just ignored it, a lot of the time it wasn’t very good art either, which immediately turns me off of even the hottest anime girl ever. If the art isn’t great, I’m not interested. So over time, I started to come across a lot better quality of art drawn with more feminine-looking boys, to the point that I had to take notice. I never really considered the idea of sex with a male, so my brain was pretty much wired to only react to the female body, now all of a sudden I’m coming across these anime images of guys that pretty much look like flat-chested girls through and through.

It was initially a weird time in my head. 20+ years of the idea that since I had a mother and a father in the house, it must be normal and correct to only pursue the opposite sex, so for me as a boy, I should only be interested in girls. I certainly went that route all the way through puberty, not once did I ever consider the idea of gay sex, hell it’s even possible that during my entire time in high school I never even heard of the term, as my high school years were just before the explosion of LGBT culture. Now I knew of lesbians because as a teenager, of course you’re watching porn even though you’re not 18 yet, but my brain never put together the idea that if two women could have sex together, so could two guys. In my skewed views at that point, I was just watching lesbian porn cause it was more girls and I wasn’t having to stare at some guy’s junk!

So when I started finding these pictures of feminine male anime characters, at 27 years old it really messes with you, trying to change years of opinions, thoughts, perceptions, all that shit. But it helped that I started off with characters that I could have just as easily perceived as being girls. So long as the pants were still on, or they had their backs facing the camera, I didn’t know any different, right? They looked like girls, but they were guys, it was still a little confusing in my brain, but I was finding a way to accept the sudden influx of new thoughts, opinions and perceptions that were flooding through my head.

Hitting puberty at 12 years old and 15 years later I was having new sexual thoughts. Granted, it was held in a very specific light, keeping the characters I was daydreaming about still looking quite feminine, perhaps my brain trying to convince myself that I was still more interested in females and to stick down that path. When you’re first having these kinds of thoughts, you instinctively try to fight it. It’s like anything in life when a major change takes place, you try to avoid it, ignore it, it’s something new and different, you initially try to push it away because you’re so used to the status quo, the things you know and know well.

What ultimately changed me over completely to the side was a specific artist. He goes by Mazjojo and is the founder of BlackMonkey Pro which does a ton of yaoi art. It was his specific stuff that really made me take an interest in “100% male” characters, guys that are undeniably male, there’s no gray area with them being feminine or anything, they’re without a shadow of a doubt a boy. For reference, here (WARNING: NSFW!) is a picture of Gray from Fairy Tail, a character I had zero interest in, but upon finding this image, my attention is suddenly directed towards the guy. I had no interest in guys, especially bigger, more muscular men, but Mazjojo’s stuff was so damn good that my mind completed changed. It took a little while, but there came a point where I couldn’t deny it anymore, I was sexually attracted to a lot of the characters Mazjojo drew. It was really weird suddenly becoming attracted to Soma from Food Wars and Sin from Guilty Gear, that’s a real interesting exchange going on in your brain when you’re suddenly attracted to characters you’ve known long before coming across art of them in very precarious positions.

So now I’ve gone in the span of a year or so from not even thinking about the idea of another guy in a sexual manner, all the way to wishing the entire cast of Free! would suddenly appear before me and line up for a long round of fun. This all took place just before I started writing on this blog, I had these thoughts at the time the page started and it took another six months thereafter to finally get to the point of being comfortable with my new sexual preferences.

I was already more than okay with talking about sex and protecting it from being censored in media, but it wasn’t until that six month mark that I came to the conclusion that I shouldn’t just be fighting the content that SJWs, feminists, parents and politicians alike are trying to censor. Instead of just focusing on the censorship of female-based ecchi content, I should also be fighting for the addition of more male-based ecchi content. Now this isn’t necessarily due to me suddenly now being attracted to men and wanting to see more boy butts, but I do believe that it plays a part in me wanting both genders to be used equally in these kinds of situations. Now being attracted to both sides really hammers it home that I should be going after equal opportunity, not because I want to see it, but because it’s the only real way to make anything exist. Both sides need to have their due, the second anything is skewed in one direction, it will be criticized and it will be slammed by those who don’t like it or agree with it.

Becoming aware of the attractiveness of both the opposite and now my own gender has really changed my stance on a lot of things. Not specifically the opinion, but I’ve more broadened a lot of the opinions I already hold. What’s helped the most is that I’ve started opening my mind to stuff I normally wouldn’t have given a shot. Now male-dominant anime get the opportunity to suck just like all the female-dominated shows do. I’m giving male characters a chance in games that offer the same-sex option, though in the case of Mass Effect: Andromeda, sorry boys, but there are too many great female choices here.

At the current moment I’m writing this, I still stay in the same weird area I’m in when it comes to my bisexuality. I still don’t know any men in real life I’d have any interest in sexually, my focus still stays particularly in anime-drawn males, those get my attention. This is large in part to anime being an art of perfection, as I’ve stated before. As it stands, I’m 29 years old, I consider myself to be bisexual, but I fully believe that when I die, I will have never experienced sex with another male. Having no attractive men around me to instill that desire does play a part in it, but the obvious major reason I suspect I’ll never cross off that line on my bucket list is that I’m in a relationship and have been for over 9 years now, which the girl I still love just as much as I did when our relationship started.

So to all the hot gay and bisexual guys out there, I’m sorry that you had a +1 on the list for you to go after and then it was immediately taken by a girl!

Saturday Morning Rant: Who Cares About Your Sexuality?!


First off, let me say that I have absolutely no problem with anyone’s sexual preference. Whether you’re straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, whatever sexual preference you may have, I am more than okay with it. It is your own personal preference, it is none of my business to tell you otherwise, make a fuss about it and most of all, care about it.

Because at the end of the day, that’s your personal preference. And as far as I’m concerned, since it has nothing to do with me, I could care less what your preference is. Because it’s none of my business.

That’s the reason for the title of this week’s Saturday Morning Rant. “Who Cares About Your Sexuality?!” is not meant to say anything of hatred towards anyone based on their sexual preference. It’s a phrase meant to say that in reality, we shouldn’t be judgmental about others’ sexuality, which is par for the course, however I have an addition to the other side of the spectrum on this too. By saying “Who cares about your sexuality?!”, I also mean that I don’t want nor need to hear about your sexual preferences, because unless you are the person I’m trying to create a relationship with, your sexuality is unimportant and inconsequential to me. It’s meaningless to me, it doesn’t identify you in terms of your personality, your beliefs, your ideals, it just tells me who you want to sleep with and I could care less about that.


Again, I have nothing against gays, lesbians, bisexuals, all that jazz. Unfortunately in this world in its current state, there have to be protests to try and have people understand that not only does the LGBT community exist, but at some point we’re all going to have to accept that. At the same time, I do think it’s gotten a bit ridiculous when it comes to people, famous and not, going out of their way to announce to the world…who they prefer to fuck. People today look at their sexuality as what identifies them and I honestly think that’s wrong. Not because your sexuality isn’t a part of who you are specifically, but it’s not the central key identifier to you as a person. As far as I see it, who you’re attracted to isn’t what describes you as a person, because your sexuality to me is a normal part of being a human being. Rather, it’s your personality and your beliefs and ideals that truly make you the person you are.

I don’t think my sexuality defines me at all. You know what? I might as well explain the complications of my own sexuality while I’m at it too. The best way I can say it, is that I’m straight in real life, but fictional material has made me at least bi-curious. I have not been attracted to a real-life male human being, but there are anime and video game characters that I have seen and thought “Huh…I might try that.”. That’s my sexuality, but I don’t think that carries any weight to how I am, in terms of my personality. Instead, I think it’s my happy, talkative, counter-cultural personality that describes me far better than the company I like to keep in my bedroom. I don’t feel like my personality would change if I just flipped a switch and was only into guys, or both, or whatever I may be into.

It’ll take a long time before the world adjusts but believe me, one day a person’s sexuality will be considered no more of a descriptor of a person’s personality than their eye colour. Just like one day, the colour of a person’s skin won’t be used as a descriptor of a person’s personality. Because in my honest opinion, whatever we’re into sexually doesn’t give anyone much insight into the kind of person we are. We laugh, we cry, we get angry, we get excited, we all express and experience all these emotions regardless of being into men, women, or both.

And one day, the rest of the idiots who go out of their way to oppress and harm people because of their sexuality will figure that out to. Or die out, whichever comes first.