Tag Archives: Fire Emblem

Fire Emblem Heroes Has Bride Characters, There Better Be A Swimsuit Event!!!

The current event going on right now on Fire Emblem Heroes is called “Bridal Blessings” and features four of the series’ lovely ladies in bridal outfits, apparently anticipating their wedding day.

  • Caeda – Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon
  • Charlotte – Fire Emblem Fates
  • Cordelia – Fire Emblem: Awakening
  • Lyn – Fire Emblem: Blazing Swords

I can only imagine that some people got put off by this event and that all of them are from outside of Japan. In Japan, dressing characters up in bridal attire is extremely normal among the characters’ fanbases, hence the common term ‘waifu’ that is used throughout various nerd culture communities.

I think it’s a really cool event, but I haven’t put a single orb into the event, because I’m saving them all up for a potential event that should be coming very soon…

Now if Japan is going all-out with a bridal event, they damn sure better bring us some awesome summer events, full of swimsuit-laden boys and girls throughout the Fire Emblem series. This really began to be a thing in Fire Emblem: Awakening with the “Summer of Bonds” DLC which featured characters Chrom, Cordelia, Gaius and Tharja all looking fabulous in their swimsuits. Hell, it spawned what fans of pretty anime boys called “the greatest butt mouse pad ever made!!!” of Chrom in the very swim shorts he wears in the DLC (seen here). Even more were added into Fire Emblem Fates where personally Takumi and Hinoka were the best ones of their respective gender.

The problem is will Japan actually release this outside of Japan. I don’t think there’s any doubt that Japan will see a Summer of Bonds-like event, but will they release this outside, especially in North America where currently the tiniest amount of cleavage sends every feminist into a frenzy. Hell, I’m positive there will be several of these events, since they only do four characters at a time and you know how much money they’ll make in microtransactions if they give fans of the series a chance to get swimsuits of a ton of their favourite Fire Emblem characters.

artwork by Kuwagataa (http://kuwagataa.deviantart.com)

I think that’s what I like about the game right now, there’s so many different options of characters to get. While yes, the game has a real problem with giving you almost no way to earn orbs after you’ve played the game completely through and yes, it’s very clear the intent is so an event comes along that you want in on, but you’ll have to spend top dollar to get in, regardless of all that, I’m still very high on what Fire Emblem Heroes has done so far. It hasn’t wronged me just yet, so they better not start by not bringing the lovely boys and girls of Fire Emblem to us here in North America as they enjoy themselves on a lovely beach wearing next to nothing.

I have 180 orbs currently saved up awaiting such a time when specifically I have the chance to get Tharja in that red bikini she shows off in so well. Are my odds good? Probably not, but a guy can dream right?

Character Spotlight: Tharja


There are a ton of female characters in the Fire Emblem series. Seriously, the series doesn’t shy away from having a ton of badass women going out there and kicking a ton of ass. You’ve got the smaller girls like Rebecca and Lissa, the more muscular girls like Sully and Rinkah and of course your half-human girls like Nowi and Panne. There’s someone for everyone, of all shapes and sizes, personalities and all the like. And again this is only the women, the men are so varied as well, it’s what makes the Fire Emblem series as refreshing as it is.

But in the entire Fire Emblem universe there is only a single female character that for me has had staying power in my mind. There’s been notable girls that have strong characters, or a cool look, girls like Lyndis and Lucina come to mind. But no one has captured my heart the way Tharja did during the course of Fire Emblem: Awakening.


Tharja is crazy as fuck! There is nothing you can possibly do to hide this fact, she is off her rocker, stone…cold…fucking…crazy! This Plegian dark mage shows up in the game during the Chapter 9 mission at Plegia Castle when Chrom and his army are trying to rescue Emmeryn. It’s very obvious from the beginning of that mission that Tharja was very apathetic towards the objectives she was under orders to do against Chrom and his army, almost like she straight up didn’t give two fucks about what was going on. So when Chrom approaches her and asks why she’s not at all attempting to fight them, she merely notes that she’d rather not die and ends up joining them when Chrom hangs in there with her even when questioning their quick trust of her. From then on, it’s nothing but smooth sailing with Tharja. Well…if you enjoy sailing in foggy waters with the odds of someone stalking you and potentially hexing you for an eternity.

I’m not going to waste time talking about how she is in terms of battle usefulness in the game, cause that’s the least important thing on my mind when it comes to Tharja. So needless to say, while she wasn’t the best party member on my team, by being my waifu in the game, she was always in the main party, regardless of how many better options I had sitting in the reserves.


While you can’t marry her as the female protagonist, Tharja is a consistent stalker with her extreme obsession with your main character, regardless of gender. It appears as your relationship with her levels up that when she’s in love with someone or at the very least attracted to someone, she’ll go beyond out of her way to try and get the person she has her eyes on to return the favour, even going as far as changing her entire personality to attract the one she has eyes on towards her. All this is completely thrown out the window though if you do not fall into that category, anyone outside of her affectionate side gets the cold shoulder, she’s extremely distant and cold to them, often threatening to hex them and all that jazz she’s known for.

It’s funny though when you do pursue a romantic relationship with her if you’re playing a male main character, she’s all over the place in her attempts to court you. She tries everything to gain your affection, which creeps you out in the beginning, but once you get comfortable and used to her advances, you see an actual sweet and loving side of her that is legitimate, it’s not just an act she’s putting on to get to you, she’s actually a really loving person when she’s not trying to cast hexes on you. It even goes as far that if she remains single through the entire game, she still chases after you regardless of who you’re married to, hoping one day she casts the right hex to reunite you with her.


It’s no secret that Tharja is one, if not the hottest girl of the Awakening cast, maybe the sexiest of all Fire Emblem characters, just based on how she’s designed, personal tastes aside. Which makes this even more hilarious when you see during the course of the game that she has no idea just how beautiful she is in everyone else’s eyes. When Nowi tells her that she has the biggest breasts of all the women in the army, she blushes madly about that. She also admits to Cordelia soon after that how she had no idea whatsoever that she had not only some sex appeal, but a ton of it and was super embarrassed when she found out about this, likely Nowi’s boob conversation kickstarting this. You’d think someone who wears a thin almost see-through tight-fitting outfit would figure that out, but hey she’s busy hexing people. Priorities.

And then again her beauty was fully confirmed in the Summer of Bonds (or Summer Scramble) DLC where she was one of the two girls (Cordelia the other) picked by fan vote to have a swimsuit moment in the game, including CG artwork. Now this became a bit of a controversy when it was redone for the North American version, where most of her ass was covered by a curtain. Because y’know the picture of her in a bikini above this is sooo revealing. Even to this day, I don’t understand how people got so worked up about this. And that whole thing was before all the Gamergate stuff that kickstarted this whole anti-sexy material SJW bullshit.

Katyuska Moonfox
Katyuska Moonfox

Her popularity is also very prevalent by how often she’s cosplayed, especially when you consider how rare Fire Emblem cosplay is. Some would argue it’s because Tharja is an easy girl to cosplay as a sex symbol kind of character, so models really take her as an easy cosplay for photo shoots and that may be partially true, but she’s also one of very few Fire Emblem characters to get a figurines made of her and she’s also part of the Shin Megami Tensei crossover with the Fire Emblem series. Clearly she has some staying power.

Tharja like I said before is easily my favourite Fire Emblem character and it’s not just because she is super sexy and I chose her as my wife in the game. She is such an interesting and intriguing character with her dark personality, her weird sense of humour and everything that makes her this oddball of a woman. But it’s also that hidden lovey-dovey side of her that just makes her so adorable and I didn’t expect any of that kind of stuff in a strategy game.

If she existed in real life and I was single, she wouldn’t have to stalk me for very long until I’d allow her in…so long as she promises not to hex me or use me for her various experiments.

Game Spotlight: Fire Emblem Awakening


I was sort of into the Fire Emblem series before Awakening, but it was specific to the handheld games. I tried playing Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn but for whatever reason those didn’t translate very well for me. So my last good experiences with the series was the two GBA releases in North America, Blazing Sword and The Sacred Stones.

So when Fire Emblem: Awakening was released on the 3DS, you bet I was clamouring for it. And I wasn’t disappointed.

Chrom & Lissa
Chrom & Lissa

The art direction of the new Fire Emblem games are absolutely gorgeous, that first cutscene was absolutely breathtaking to me, it’s hard to believe something that stylish and pretty is on a handheld. It’s like a merging of Nintendo’s cartoonish style with games like Super Mario with the beauty that is anything anime drawn. And when the game incorporates mechanics where you can pair up couples and have them fall in love and bring a child into the world, you better make the ladies look as pretty as possible so we can have our superficial fights over “best girl”!

And that’s where the game hooked me, the cast of characters, especially the women. Yes, that’s likely because that’s what I’m attracted to, so sue me. I’ve played through the game twice, the first time I paired up my character with Lissa. It was large in part due to her being essentially a Princess version of my own girlfriend who also shares the same name with her, minus the extra S. The second time around, I went polar opposite. And who could possibly be that girl? Uou guessed it, the crazy, black magic using raven-haired woman who you’d be smart not to stay around with for very long if you don’t want to become a living experiment: Tharja.

You've got that right, Nowi!
You’ve got that right, Nowi!

Tharja for me blew the game out of the water in terms of character design. She’s leaps and bounds different than the rest (unless her daughter Noire has one of her “mother transformations” where she becomes just as crazy as Tharja), she looks so much darker than the rest of the playable cast, her demeanor is completely opposite to everyone else, she doesn’t smile (unless it’s one of those crazy smiles), she’s very reserved and she pretty much hides herself. Every other character in the party pretty much thrusts themselves into every scene they’re in, being vibrant, full of life, all that jazz. By doing the complete opposite, Tharja not only somehow fails at hiding herself, but becomes a fan favourite in not just the one game, but the entire series. After all, who would’ve thought from looking at all the female characters in the game that she would be one of the two girls picked for the Summer Bonds DLC to wear a bikini along with Cordelia? You’d think someone like Cherche, Maribelle, Tiki, Anna, hell even Nowi could’ve been picked before Tharja but no, her complete opposite demeanor caused fans to take a liking to her and thus wanting to see her in a situation the complete opposite of what she’s put herself into.

Yep…very boingy. Can you believe this got censored in the North American release?!

And that’s just one example. Taking one of the guys for example, Gaius and his love of candy while being an assassin is absolutely hysterical, especially in my second playthrough when I paired him with my first wife, Lissa. Chrom’s also a mixture of the proper Prince, but also a sometimes bone-headed but well-meaning young man who just wants to be the hero and save whoever he can. Donnel has his moments, his relationship arc with Panne is probably my favourite one of all. And then going back to the girls, you have Nowi being the tiny 1000 year-old dragon girl who’s as bubbly as you can expect one who looks like her to be. And of course there’s Sully, who’s the token butch girl who made perfect sense to be Chrom’s wife. After all, who’d ever expect the handsome young prince to pick her when he has women like Cordelia, Cherche, Maribelle and more to pick from? It was perfect!

The 12 kids that join from the future
(top, left to right) Inigo, Brady, Kjelle, Severa, Yarne, Laurent (bottom, left to right) Gerome, Cynthia, Lucina, Noire, Owain, Nah

And then there’s the really cool mechanic of having your party members marry and eventually bear a child, who later in the game appears from the future and helps you out. It’s a fantastic idea that allows you to make more choices that actually matter. They often end up being more powerful than their parents as I used Lucina, Kjelle, Severa and Noire in my main party by the end of the game and not even Chrom could hold a candle to either Lucina or Kjelle by the very end. What’s also cool is based on their parents, their appearance slightly changes, particularly in their hair colour. It gives you a visual representation of the choice you made and that’s always fantastic to see.

Now I’ve talked for nearly 1000 words without even mentioning the core gameplay and story. Honestly, that’s because it really didn’t matter much to me. The story was meh at best, there’s not really a moment I can point out as being memorable beyond Lucina first emerging onto the scene as the masked swordsman, Marth, or her finally revealing herself as Chrom’s daughter, sharing a tearful moment. Other than that, the story is nothing too memorable.


I feel about the same way when it comes to the gameplay as well. It’s the typical Fire Emblem style with some additions. Obviously the more casual mode where there’s no permadeath was a change I welcomed with open arms. I’m notoriously bad at Fire Emblem games and strategy games in general, so to be able to not have to worry about resetting for the 20th time is really nice. Cause I ain’t losing Tharja! Having a weapon like the Falchion being infinite made sense to me, I didn’t like having to constantly give the chosen one another steel sword. The pairing system was nice, the addition of dragonstones and beaststones allowed for even more variation in class battles. There was certainly enough to make the game feel fresh and being able to actually grind as well was perfect for me.

I imagine his swimsuit artwork was damn close...
I imagine his swimsuit artwork was damn close…

Out of all the Fire Emblem games I have played, Awakening is leaps and bounds ahead of the rest. There’s no cast of characters I’ve enjoyed more, the art style is just so beautiful and the new additions to the gameplay sent it over the hill for me.

Now I’ve just gotta get off my ass and play Birthright again. Rinkah’s gonna kill me when I return.

Game Spotlight: Fire Emblem (GBA)

(left to right) Eliwood, Lyndis, Hector
(left to right) Eliwood, Lyndis, Hector

I’m terrible at strategy games. Absolutely terrible. So it’s a true testament to how good a game is, when in a genre I’m notoriously bad at, I can find more than enough enjoyment in a game to the point of finishing it. And the Fire Emblem series is one of those very few games that actually succeeds in capturing my attention. So specifically I’m going to start off by talking about the first game in the series I ever played, Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword for the GameBoy Advance.

I don’t remember who or what made me try this series out, I’d never heard of it before. I assume someone told me about it, cause I wasn’t the magazine reader at that point, so I really didn’t have much in terms of information of what was the really good stuff circulating. But regardless of the reason, I got a copy, popped that little sucker into my GBA and booted it up for the first time.


I immediately got attached to Lyndis. It’s crazy to me now that I think about it how beautiful I thought she looked back then and keep in mind this is GBA graphics we’re talking here. They weren’t all that good. But the game’s design clearly uses what they have to make some beautiful art within the game and it shows with Lyndis. She comes off like a common girl, technically raised as such but it’s so uncommon for a character who is of royal blood (spoilers, hahaha!) not follow the usual tropes of being either a super snotty bitch, a damsel in distress or an overly charismatic leader. Lyndis is just…normal. She just happens to be really good with a sword due to her raising as a child. But she’s normal and I love that about her.

Then came my first round of the game’s mechanics. It seemed simple in my mind. It’s like a rock, paper, scissors style of system. Cool, I can get into that. Forward a few chapters later and I’m getting my ass handed to me. My problem then was very simple: my lack of patience. I didn’t want to take my time, analyze each move I make, guess the opponent’s next move, set up traps, all the common shit you think of every turn in a Fire Emblem game. But back then, I didn’t get it, I was used to JRPGs where I could just grind myself to the point I could poke enemies to death. This time though, I had to rely on my dumbass teenage brain and for a while it didn’t work all that well.


It took some time, in fact it took until I re-played the game years later (albeit on an emulator, since my GBA and stuff “disappeared” over the years, aka someone threw it out) when I started to get the hang of the system. Granted I had also gotten into games like Counter-Strike and Day of Defeat where I was learning to be more strategic with my play rather than just rushing head first into things. So when I started going through the chapters again, I immediately noticed an improvement. I wasn’t winning battles with people barely alive, I didn’t need to reset the chapter for the umpteenth time, I was winning chapters with some decent proficiency.


To an untrained strategist, a game like Fire Emblem will knock you on your ass repeatedly as you make mistake after mistake in your moves. Which is why it was such a triumphant moment for me to finally get over the hump and figure out my own successful style in the game’s parameters. I felt smart playing a video game, something at the time I wasn’t accustomed to feeling, I mostly just powered my way through things. And when the mechanics are as solid as they are, even the most stressful times during this process was still a ton of fun for me.

The battle system is just so good, it’s pretty obvious. The game’s mechanics really haven’t changed much from then to the newest games on the 3DS, really they’ve just added a few things on top of it, but the main layer remains mostly the same. The overhead map really should never change, it’s still perfect to this day. Same goes for the battle mechanics, I love how they really just add new classes into the mix, but keep the basics the same. You don’t need to go into a new Fire Emblem game blind, you might just have to add two new things into your brain over the course of the game.


Lastly, just to gush about a few things, I love so many of the female characters in this game. The Fire Emblem series just has a knack for designing some just absolutely beautiful women. Rebecca and Lyndis of course are my favourites, but other girls like Florina, Serra, Ninian and others are all done so well and just add onto the list of things I love about this game. I also love how the game ends and there’s a whole other story to go through afterwards with Eliwood. I love it when games finish a story and then go “Oh you thought that was it? Surprise!” with another campaign. Awesome.

This won’t be the last Fire Emblem game in the weekly spotlight, but as I said before Blazing Sword was my first entry into the series and my most memorable. It’s not my favourite, as Awakening holds that title, but Blazing Sword ain’t far behind.

Top 10 Games I’m Looking Forward to in 2016

2015 was a pretty good year for gaming, a lot of great stuff came out. But who gives a fuck, it’s 2016! So with that, let’s do the Top 10 games I’m looking forward to in 2016!



When I initially saw the concept of No Man’s Sky, I was blown away. Now those parts of me that were lost have returned and haven’t felt much wind since. Because the game is getting closer and closer to launch and I still have not much of a clue what the game will actually be like in full, I’m becoming more and more skeptical as time goes on. Granted, the game looks fucking gorgeous, the art style is fantastic. But the game itself is still a bit dodgy, considering we don’t know much about it other than you explore and name things. If it’s more than that, awesome, if it’s not much more, that’s worrisome.


IT’S SO FUCKING CUTE!!! Seriously though, it’s really freaking cute! I would’ve actually been okay with just this announcement at Sony’s E3 conference, but I guess the Final Fantasy VII remake reveal was pretty good too. I’m not 100% sure what to expect from World of Final Fantasy yet, but at least in terms of its design, it looks like a fun little game to play. I just hope there’s at least some sort of cohesive story to it and not just chibi Lightning still being a bitch in it.


Another game I would put so much higher on this list, but over time its value has decreased based on what I’ve seen. Ubisoft alone based on their track record the past couple years is part of it, but the constant pushing back of the game’s release date is also a little worrisome. Though I’m still very excited about the potential this game has to keeping my attention much like Destiny has been doing, just instead as a realistic 3rd-person shooter. Though to be more addictive than Destiny is a feat I’m not sure anything can do to me right now.


This is a game that continues to interest me the more I see of it. The idea of being alone in the beautiful, yet slightly unnerving environment is really interesting. The fact you have someone talking with you the whole time counterbalances that alone feeling too, so you’re not stuck experiencing one side of the emotional spectrum. The “story” that we’ve seen so far is very interesting and I cannot wait to play this game when it releases, it sounds and looks like a nice, short experience.


My brain still continually tells me this game will likely be okay at best, but I cannot help myself for being as excited as I am for this game to come out. The initial trailer at E3 this year had me hooked, I love the world, I love the concept, I love the battle mechanics and I love the main character. Everything about this game so far spells awesome to me, but only a matter of time will tell. It’s also been very quiet since about this game, so that could be taken as a bit of a bad sign. We’ll just have to wait and see.


I’ve liked Fire Emblem games since they started coming out on the GBA in North America, but when Awakening came out on the 3DS, that was it, the series had me hooked. And yes, it was partially because of the more casual mode where permadeath isn’t a thing (I’m really bad at these games, I kinda need it!). Fates is really exciting for me, though I’m still a bit miffed about the two separate copies. But if the games are good enough to be worth the asking price, I’m all for it.


I had almost zero intentions of playing the game at first, mainly because ever since Final Fantasy XII, Square has shown me that they’ve forgotten how to make a good Final Fantasy game. But then the demo for XV came out and I shut the hell up, it was fantastic, I love the new battle system, it’s far more intensified now. I’m not 100% sure how I feel about the main cast, I really didn’t get a good idea as to what they’re all about. But I did get Cidney (Cindy). And I’m pretty happy about that.


So you’re telling me that my favourite series of the past decade in Shin Megami Tensei is getting mixed together with one of my other favourite series of this past decade in Fire Emblem?! Nintendo didn’t ever have to show me any game footage, I already had pre-order plans for this game. And I don’t pre-order shit anymore.


Like I just said, my favourite series of the past decade and the Persona games are the reason for it. Persona 3 was fantastic and Persona 4 was fucking phenomenal. By that logic, Persona 5 is going to blow me away. The music already is as great as it has ever been, the art design is beautiful and weird as fuck at the same time, the characters look awesome and interesting and of course the gameplay looks solid, somehow even better than Persona 4. I’m ready, Atlus. Take me.


This game is slotted for Q4 of 2016. I don’t believe for a second that date will last, my best case scenario is March of 2017 to be honest. But that won’t stop me from listing this as the easy #1 pick for the game I’m looking forward to the most in 2016. The Mass Effect trilogy was an incredible (albeit a little weak on the ending) journey that introduced me to a ton of characters I’m in love with still to this day, tons of memorable moments and an entire universe I can’t wait to go back to. Here’s hoping when this game is released, it’s everything we ever dreamed of and more.


And that’s the list everyone! Hope you enjoyed it. As always if you have a different opinion, don’t hesitate to list your top 10s in the comments below!

Top 10 Female Video Game Characters I’d Sleep With

***If you have a problem with lists like these, they’re not real women. Spare me the sexism and over-sexualization speeches. Read this article I wrote too.***

To clarify on this list, the 10 female characters you will see on this list are NOT characters that I’d fall in love with, hang out with, have a relationship with, anything of the sort. This is the 10 girls in video games that I’d totally without regret have a rockin’ one-night stand with, nothing more. A Top 10 list of the characters I’d marry? Now that’s a list for another day!

Now I shouldn’t have to explain myself here, but just in case those reading this list feel like blowing a gasket at this list, here’s a heads up. Remember that this is my own personal list, so the girls who made this list are based on my own preferences for what I’m attracted to. Also a lot of the choices on this list are not strictly just for looks, some of them have some logical reasons behind them as well. For example, she may be a girl I would love nothing more than to have around every day, but because of certain reasons, maybe a one-time-only would be best for my own safety. So just keep this in mind, my list will easily be different than pretty much everyone else’s.

So let’s get right to it!


I’m starting off with an extremely random and very uncommon character. As far as I know, not a lot of people ended up playing RAGE. It’s not a great game by any means, I pretty much forget everything about this game, that is except for Loosum. She shows up early on in the game to teach you how to master the Wingsticks and the moment I laid my eyes on her, she was just absolutely perfect. At the time in 2011 when this game came out, it was showing off id Software’s new Tech 5 engine, so it was top of the line graphics being pumped out, so Loosum had a distinct advantage going in. Character-wise, there’s not a whole lot to say, since she’s around for all of five minutes of importance. She has some spunk to her and she certainly knows how to show herself off, she knows she’s gorgeous. Personally, I’d consider keeping her around, but the first name just breaks it for me. “So what’s your wife’s name?” “*sigh* Loosum…” Yeah…that ain’t gonna fly.


As a heads up, Cammy is pretty much the only character on this list that would be considered by the video gaming community as a sex symbol. Generally speaking, the video game vixens that are on the top of everyone’s list just don’t fit any other criteria from me other than having a great body. But Cammy is so damn smoking hot, that she manages to make the list anyways. Although she holds a special place in my heart because she pretty much is the first video game character I saw on screen that fit the bill of being that sexy girl in a video game. I played Super Street Fighter II for the SNES a ton as a kid and Cammy was my main character, admittedly her ass was half the reason I picked her all the time, I was actually pretty good with her too, so it just happened to work out perfectly. If there’s any video game girl that’s on the top of everyone else’s lists that I’d have to pick over all the others, she’s without a doubt the one for me to go with.


Another anomaly on this list, I would think. Very few people play the Guilty Gear games and that’s a damn shame. So this lovely tanned, light-haired expressionless evil non-human girl from the Backyard will likely be even less-known as she’s from the newest game, Guilty Gear Xrd. She falls into the category of girls in games that I’d love to spend the night with, but the likelyhood of dying trying to get to that point makes it pretty difficult. But from playing the story mode of GGXrd, I really fell in love with her character, her expressionless voice and demeanor makes her extremely adorable to me to the point I want to try and snap her out of it, she seems like the girl that would be just a giant cutie once she opens up. And to top it all off, I have a giant soft spot for anime-drawn tanned or darker skinned girls. I don’t know why, especially since it doesn’t translate into real life at all.


Malon’s simply a victim of living in a world I would just refuse to live in and I know I wouldn’t be able to pry her out of it. She’s probably the overall prettiest girl on this list and certainly the most homely. But if I were to consider her for my future Top 10 Video Game Girls I’d Marry list, I’d have to commit to living the farm life and there’s no goddamn way you’d catch me working my ass off on a farm, I wouldn’t survive. And judging her character, like I said there’s no way you’re prying this lovely redhead away from that life either. What a damn shame…


Lightning is the prime example of a girl you would never catch me dead spending any more time than I’d have to with her. She’s absolutely insufferable, a constant pain in the ass, I can’t listen to her speak for more than a few words before I want to punch her in the face. But goddamn did Square Enix draw her superbly. Of course only the idiots at Square Enix would create one of the most hateable female characters I’ve ever known, yet also make her arguably the hottest Final Fantasy girl of all (yes, that includes rivaling Tifa). I just hope that if I was to ever share a bed with her, I wouldn’t have to listen to hours of her brooding about her sister.


Persona 4 is pretty much my favourite game of all-time. There isn’t a single character in the series that I have a major problem with and when it comes to the many female characters in the game, the majority of them are in consideration for the Top 10 Marry list. But Rise is the odd one out. It’s funny, she’s clearly presented as the hottest girl in the game and she is without any doubt. However when it comes to her character, she just doesn’t grab my attention nearly enough compared to all the others to follow through on anything other than a single night. It could be the fact she’s overly flirty, the fact she’s an idol and would be constantly targeted by other guys, or just the fact she (depending on when I’d catch her) struggles to figure out who she really is, where the line between her normal self or the idol persona. Either way, I’d love to hang out with her, but certainly not in a dating manner.


We started the crazy and evil with Ramlethal at #8, now we resume that trend with likely the most dangerous lady on this list. I’m noting that I’d prefer the Mass Effect 3 version of Jack because I like her far more with hair and her new outfit. Jack was a tough one to place, there’s so many factors behind her being on this list. I love girls with tattoos, tomboys and some of the sexiest characters to me are the ones you know there’s no chance in hell you’d ever get with for any reason, but your physical well-being adds onto that with Jack. As we’ve seen in the Mass Effect series, she views sex as almost a common thing due to her screwed up life before meeting Shepard. But as quickly as she’ll bed you, she’s likely to tear you apart, literally. So for my own safety, as quick as she’d want to fuck, I’d just as quickly fuck off before I’d lose my life.


Now unlike Jack, she may not kill me, but the hundreds if not thousands of experiments she’d run on me if I ever happened to get close to her would be almost just as bad. But damn, talk about a 10/10, without a doubt the hottest Fire Emblem character. She also has a distinct advantage because anyone I’ve ever seen cosplay her has been just as gorgeous, she translates perfectly into real life as well. I’ve run through Awakening twice, the first time I made the boneheaded decision to have my character marry Lissa and immediately regretted it after getting to know Tharja a lot more. She gives off that forbidden fruit aura, the one girl you can’t resist, but you know that it would be in your best interests to not pursue her. But with that body, I wouldn’t blame anyone, male or female from going after her regardless.


The pinnacle of crazy, the girl that I know that I’d never be able to get close to. Jack would let you have a round and then you’re screwed. Tharja might let you in, but you’d be so messed up from all the experiments first, it might not even matter. But Tira, I don’t think there’s a chance in hell you’d be able to even touch her before she’d slice you apart with that ring blade. The first time I laid eyes on her in Soul Calibur III, that was it, I loved her. I was a huge Talim fan the previous game and I thought no one could top her, she was super pretty. But Tira just shot in with that amazing badass hair, the makeup, those piercing violet eyes and of course that phenomenal body. The artwork of her in the picture above is one of the best I’ve seen from any game, let alone fighting games. But behind that body is one of the most twisted, sadistic minds, one who would cut your throat within seconds of meeting you. Come to think of it, it would give her line “Awww you broke already? Oh well, I guess I’m done with you.” a new meaning. *shudders*

And finally, my #1 pick:


There’s a ton of reasons why Yuna’s at the top of this list. I’m sure most are surprised she’s not being considered on the Top 10 Marry list, most feel she’s very homely, a wonderful girl, beautiful as hell and all those are true. But there’s a bunch that put her on this side rather than the other. I wasn’t a huge fan of her FFX character, she was too softspoken and the whole super-religious thing immediately turned this atheist off, especially nowadays where it’s in full-swing. But the biggest problem with Yuna has nothing to do with her personally, it’s just a matter of being the odd one out. Logically if I lived in Spira, she simply wouldn’t be on my mind because of one thing:

This girl.


So because of Rikku, Yuna ends up being at the top of the list, just because I would absolutely love to spend the rest of my life with her if she existed, but there’s already a girl in the same universe I’d pick over her. Sorry, Yunie!

I hope you all enjoyed this list, it was fun to make. Remember it’s not serious at all, it’s all in good fun. Your list will be way different than mine for various reasons. And most of all, if you think this is creepy to post, for god’s sake they’re not real, it doesn’t matter.

And realistically, don’t tell me you don’t fantasize about sleeping with someone. I just happen to have zero problems saying it out loud.