From the moment puberty hits, we as young boys and girls start to fantasize about the kinds of people that we have some sort of sexual interest in. Some of us think about sex a lot, some of us think about sex a little, some of us think about sex with boys, some of us think about sex with girls, some of us think about sex with both. Hell, there’s so many intricate things that define our own sexual fantasies. We’ve got things like gender, race, age, body type, specific hair/eye colours, specific hairstyles, specific clothing whether underwear, swimwear or basic clothing. There are so many things about people that we can use to set up our perfect sexual fantasies and we do so as we begin to nail down our sexual preferences throughout our teen years.
However, as we get older and older, in what I imagine is almost all cases, our fantasies begin to change, the type of people we’re into changes, the range generally expands, or in some rare cases, it gets really specific. My case is no different, in the past five years especially, my range of people that I’ve become sexually attracted to has evolved so much more than what it was before those past five years. So I thought this would be an interesting topic to bring up, as I’m still on the high of unlocking a completely new world in my own head and I’m sure for many, this is the kind of stuff that few people will talk about and most will stay quiet about. So I hope this helps a few people be okay with some of the more “embarrassing” changes in their lives.
So to start off, I figured I would go from the very beginning and work my way to where I’ve ended up today.
I can safely say that the first years of my life where I really started looking at girls as more than just this mysterious other kind of people that weren’t boys, it would’ve been in Grade 7 while I was 12 and 13 years old. I think the grade before I had it in my head that something was changing inside of me, but it wasn’t until Grade 7 where I truly understood what exactly was going on and what specifically it was that was grabbing my attention. At the time I was in elementary school in a small country town. There were only two classes per grade, classes were about 20-25 people, so there wasn’t a whole lot for me to check out in my early stages, while many who grew up in the city had A LOT more to choose from.
There was one specific girl that really kickstarted my interest in girls and a type of girl that has remained a key interest of mine all the way through my life thus far. I’ve always been into smaller girls, as in short girls, slender, not too much in the chest (I’ve never really been big into large breasts, pun completely intended) and this one girl in my Grade 7 class was the one who cemented that forever in my brain. I still vividly remember to this day how she looked in gym class, she always wore a red t-shirt and black shorts, neither were all that tight, unlike what pretty much every girl wears today from the day they’re born. I think she became a huge part of my preferences in girls because she was the first one I was interested in and she wasn’t overwhelmingly sexy, she was pretty, cute, rather than being hot and sexy. I’d like to think that’s a major reason as to why I tend to divert my attention to more cute and pretty girls, rather than the kind of girls that every guy rants about to his friends about how “smoking hot she is, dude!” and stuff like that.
The following year is when I found my second love. Up until the age of 14, I was a country boy who went to school with other country kids and everyone pretty much operated under what we perceive as “normality”. As far as I could tell, no one was homosexual, I could count on one hand how many non-white kids were in my school, things like that. But the most important thing was that every boy acted as a boy should, every girl acted as a girl should. There weren’t any effeminate boys, there weren’t any tomboyish girls. In Grade 8 however, I had moved to a larger town, now there were five classes in my grade alone and I was seeing new kinds of girls. Because in my country elementary school there was a level playing field, I had never seen the archetypal “mean girls” kind of girls, y’know the blonde bombshells who hang around the jocks, they’re always wearing tight pants and able to do the splits in gym class.
But the biggest revelation to me was that of tomboys, a kind of girl I had never considered before. There were two specific cases where I got opened up to this new “breed” of young girls my brain never conceived of.
The first was when I got dragged to someone’s house by my mother because it was after a baseball game I played and she needed to go somewhere to get something, I can’t remember those details. But I got lucky, this woman had a daughter, a year younger than me. At first glance she looked like a normal girl, she had long brown hair in a long, braided ponytail, she had a white t-shirt and pink shorts on, she looked like a regular girl. But she got excited seeing me come in, like a new friend arriving and she took me into her room. I thought I was walking into a pink, stuffed animal ridden situation, nope! Rock band posters, specifically AC/DC and Motley Crue are the two I can remember seeing and instead of showing me something cute and silly, like her endless parade of Barbie dolls, we played PlayStation games together! As a 14 year-old country boy, the idea of a girl who loved rock music and played video games was an alien thing to me! I have few regrets, re-connecting with her is something I should’ve done. I cannot remember her name, which drives me crazy considering how much I remember about that day.
The second was a girl in my Grade 8 middle school. She wasn’t in my class, I wish she had been, I would’ve loved to pick her brain more. We always would see each other at recess though. A lot of kids will remember the ol’ classic game of throwing a tennis ball at the wall and that was pretty much every recess for me, I always loved playing that. So did she and at first she seemed relatively normal as well, but by the time summer rolled around, she changed a ton. Most girls walked around in short shorts, pink tops, showing off their cleavage, all that jazz, this girl was so different. She left on vacation for a week and when she came back, she was completely different looking. She had cut her hair much shorter, she was tanned a bit and it was the first time I’d seen her in a top that didn’t cover her entire top half. She had abs! My brain exploded, now I had two completely new images of what girls can look like or be like, rather than the stereotypical normal forms I was pre-disposed to before.
My high school years pretty much shaped out the rest of my interests. Once I really hit 16, I stepped away from just liking smaller white girls that my country boy days stuck with and really started opening up to others I never really had the opportunity to see in person. While I still wasn’t into girls with massive breasts, I was at least taking an interest in those around the middle of the pack in terms of bust size. But the biggest change came in the additions of a second race of girls that I took a real interest into, which today is actually my number one favourite race in terms of popping out drop dead gorgeous women, that being Asian girls.
There wasn’t specifically a single girl that did it for me, though I did end up dating a Chinese girl for four months, where I certainly had the chance to spend time with an Asian girl and really get a good look at just how goddamn beautiful they are. In reality, it was just the sudden influx of them that I saw in high school and also in my many places of work. To this day, I can’t off the top of my head think of any Asian girl that I’ve come to know on a name-to-name basis that I wouldn’t consider attractive.
The other love I discovered during high school, was just how gorgeous natural redhead girls are, especially coupled with freckles. To this day, it’s weird to me how people generally bully “ginger” boys and girls because of how they look. Now I don’t have any say on the looks of boys of that ilk, but I don’t know what people see wrong with girls of this type, because just like Asian girls, I’m hard-pressed to think of any natural red-haired girls, including freckle-laden girls that I knew on a name-to-name basis that weren’t drop dead gorgeous. Who knows, maybe it’s just me, but yeah, I never understood why people thought differently of them. Unlike Asian girls though, I never got the chance to date a natural redhead. I certainly tried a few times, but nothing ever came to fruition.
So by the time I exited college and really began my years in my 20s, I had a pretty solid foundation and setup when it came to girls I was into. I figured this would be where I stayed for the rest of my life, maybe a slight deviation here and there, but nothing too major.
So as a recap, this was my interests heading into my early to mid-20s:
- Smaller girls, both in height and bust size
- Tomboys, whether more sporty girls or gamer girls
- Asian girls
In the past five years, though really in the last year and change especially, my spectrum of people I’m sexually interested in has changed drastically. Though maybe changed isn’t the right word, because the four mains I listed earlier hasn’t changed at all, they’re all still there and at the top of the list. I think it’s more accurate to say my sexual interests in terms of the kinds of people I fantasize about has expanded dramatically.
So in order, here’s all the major additions to my list over the past five years:
#1 – Goth/Punk/Emo Girls
This is probably the one case that I think was more because I didn’t see many of them in my younger years, because generally speaking these kinds of girls already follow at least one category I’m into, that being tomboys. Obviously not every girl that follows the punk/metal lifestyle is necessarily a tomboy, but I would say a good chunk of them associate with that kind of girl, as most girls are “expected” to follow the usual lifestyle of liking hot boys, pop music and dancing, rather than music that is very hard, extreme and in some ways violent.
I think what really drew me to them more is the colours, whether it’s their hair, clothes, whatever they use to define themselves. A lot of it is also my love for anime crossing over, as a lot of these girls have crazy coloured hair, unique outfits, stuff that the average anime girl portrays in their world. But most of all, it’s much like tomboys, the idea that there’s an extremely attractive girl in front of me AND she loves metal music, video games, anime, that kind of stuff? I’m in!
#2 – Dark-skinned Girls
This isn’t specific to black women necessarily, but I can say with a straight face that throughout high school and college, I had zero interest in black women, simply on the basis that I didn’t find any of them attractive. Perhaps it was something in my head that needed time to evolve, or maybe I just didn’t know any truly attractive black women up until recently, but in the past five years, I have completely changed on this front. From 13 to my mid-20s, it was either white or Asian and nothing else. Now I’m a lot more open to all other non-white races, whether we’re talking black woman, Hispanic women, Arabic women, pretty much every race out there, I’m open to a lot more now, large in thanks to me being attracted to essentially the darkest colour of skin. Some more than others, but I’m no longer in the state of mind where I would say to myself “Ehhh, I don’t think girls from India are that hot…”, I’m now in a state of mind where a girl from any race is more than capable of being hot.
I’m not really sure how this started, at least in terms of a specific person I knew. I think it was just from looking at various pictures of girls over time and I started to find more and more girls that were just as hot as white girls I liked, the only difference was their skin colour. And as my mind opened up more and more, I eventually came to the intelligent and correct conclusion that it’s just a different colour, the body is still the same. A hot girl is still a hot girl, it doesn’t matter what colour she is.
I also don’t think I’m allowed to say a specific race of girls aren’t hot anymore when I find the Asari from Mass Effect to be the hottest race ever.
#3 – “Bigger” Girls
When I say bigger, I mean bigger in terms of their bust size and their butts, I don’t mean in terms of weight, you can call me a misogynist or whatever you like, I don’t really care. Like I said earlier, in my younger years I wasn’t too interested in girls who the average guy thought was the sexiest thing ever, that being girls with big boobs, big butts, the kind of girl we associate with models and especially porn stars. I think originally, it was large (pun intended) due to me just being attracted to smaller girls in every sense, as my main interests being tomboys, Asians and redheads, we associate those three types of girls as having more smaller frames, including smaller breasts and smaller butts.
There really wasn’t a specific person that turned me over on these kinds of girls, I think it was just a matter of a constant exposure to them and my brain eventually starting to relax on the issue. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become less and less picky about things, so I imagine this is one of those many things that I got a bit lax on. At this current juncture, I think it’s pretty safe to say that these girls were never not attractive, I just chose not to look in their direction for quite some time. Because at this very moment, just looking at Jessica Nigri in her sexy Tracer cosplay (left girl in the picture above), I don’t have a clue why I wasn’t into a girl who looked like that when I was 18 years old. I kind of what to smack 18 year-old me right now for that.
#4 – “Extremely Fit” Girls
In my head already, a “healthy” girl is extremely attractive. But it’s taken quite some time to lean further in the category of girls that are very fit, specifically girls that still are slender in body type, but instead of just being your typical girl having nice boobs and a nice butt, these girls also have abs and a defined muscular form. Now I don’t lean too far in this category, there is a point where it becomes too much. I think when these girls have giant arms and I can see the veins in their abs, that’s a pretty big turn off. But a girl who’s pretty much just got a bit of a six-pack along with the kind of female body I’m already into? I’m more than into that now.
You’re probably reading this and thinking “Hey wait…wasn’t one of the girls that got you into tomboys have abs?” and you’d be correct. The thing is though, she was really the only girl I saw from then until my mid-20s who displayed that. In the last five years, the fitness craze has skyrocketed with things like Crossfit becoming super popular. So it was less of an “I wasn’t interested.” kind of situation and more of an “I haven’t seen many of them.” kind of thing.
#5 – Older Women
This is easily the most natural conversion that the majority of us will experience as we get older ourselves. Obviously as you age, you almost always are attracted to those who are the same age as you, so it’s only natural you’d enjoy women in their 20s and 30s as you age into your 20s and 30s. As I was a young college student, I never would’ve considered a woman in her early 30s to be attractive, she was so many years older than me! Now I’m 29, a year away from hitting 30 myself, now all of a sudden I have no problem thinking about having sexual relations with a woman who’s say 35. I’m now far more open to women older than me, because I’m getting to that age where there are women who look the exact same in body type and how old they actually look and yet one could be 24 and one could be 36.
The reasoning behind this is literally just a matter of me being older, like I just mention earlier. I’m no longer 18 years old, a woman 10+ older than me back then is now the same age or just a couple years older than me today. Now I’m still in the perspective that I’d be hard-pressed to be attracted to women over the age of 40, but that will only change as I age more and more.
#6 – Males
This has been the last addition to my expanding interests and tastes, though this one comes with a bit of an exception to it. If you’ve read my article about my newfound bisexuality, “The Curious Case of My Bisexuality” (click here if you haven’t!), you know that my desire for men is a bit different than pretty much everyone. Unlike essentially anyone who’s attracted to men, I’ve yet to find a male in real-life that I truly experience an innate sexual desire towards, my entire library of males that I’d be interested in are completely and 100% fictional, due to things like anime art, which by design makes everything that much more enticing.
It’s still funny to me as I’m adjusting to this new ideology in my head, especially when it’s so specific. I’ve gone out of my way to try and find a real-life connection to this desire and so far while there are a couple that can get my attention, it’s nowhere near the same level that I got to when I really opened up to these feelings when I found anime art from artists like Mazjojo and Zamius (another article, click here!), who really made it easy for me to transition in.
It’s easy to say this is the one that will have a lot more room to expand upon, so who knows, maybe a year from now it’ll be easier for me to find a real-life connection.
It’s so crazy to me to look back on how specific my sexual desires were when I was younger. But then again, it doesn’t seem so surprising now when I’ve had essentially another 15 years to really open my mind to newer things and 15 years to discover things I never thought I’d be interested in. Ever.
What I hope to gain from writing this article, is that for the many of you that may be going through a huge change in your life as well, it’s something to look at and understand that it’s not just you. Now I’m not saying this solely for people making a transition into being bisexual or gay altogether, it’s for the biggest change and the smallest change. It’s not abnormal to think that it’s strange how one can change their opinions on anything, hell I did for a little while through all of this. I mean come on, I went from liking a specific body type, age range and a couple different races, to be open to pretty much every race, a much wider age range, more lee-way on body types and of course, a completely different gender! How could I not think it’s strange to make that leap?
But in the end, it’s just something that comes with getting older. You have more time under your belt, more experience, you’ve had the opportunity to find and interact with so many more people and by doing so, you’ve allowed your brain to expand its already massive library of knowledge. With more information, you make more decisions. When you make more decisions, you will inevitably tip the scales in one direction or another. With age, some get even more specific, but others also become more open to anything and everything. It’s not abnormal, in fact it’s the most normal thing you can do as a human, to open up more and more as you learn and experience more.
Besides, why not give yourself more sexual options? If you’re single, it’s just that many more opportunities to bed someone, y’know?