Tag Archives: Mass Effect

Character Spotlight: Tali’Zorah vas Neema


You know a game has a good set of characters when while picking the #1 choice was easy, there’s several #2s right behind her. I could go heavily into detail about other lovely ladies like Liara, Kasumi Goto and Jack, but for this week, I have to start with the Queen of Mass Effect: Tali’Zorah. Which is really saying something when you consider you spend almost three entire games not knowing what her face looks like.


For those unfamiliar of the series (in which case, HOW HAVE YOU NOT PLAYED THIS SERIES?!), Tali is a member of the Quarian race, a small race of environmental suit wearing engineers that can build anything, especially using just junk parts. They have no homeworld and live on their ships, in particular the Migrant Fleet, a massive collection of ships, ranging from heavy-gunned ships to basic refugee crafts. The lack of a homeworld is also having to do with why they are always wearing environmental suits, their immune systems are extremely weak compared to other races, just being exposed to untreated air for a second can cause them to get sick. As we’re told over the series, if a soldier doesn’t die from a wound sustained they will likely die from the infection following. To get to our first time meeting Tali, we have to also note how she got where she did. Very few Quarians left the Migrant Fleet, but when the young ones reach a certain age, they’re sent out on a Pilgrimage. Their goal is to find something in the universe that will benefit the Migrant Fleet, whether it’s technology, or even another ship. In Tali’s case, she seeks to find a way to defeat the Geth, the artificially created race that the Quarians built and turned on them, kicking them out of their homeworld.

When we first meet her, she’s as innocent as can be. She’s also very naive, almost getting killed before being saved by Shepard. Given that she’s been only living with her own race at the Migrant Fleet, she’s not very sociable around other races at first. It’s when Shepard and company take her aboard as a member of their crew that we begin to see Tali mold into the perfect woman she is by the end of the series.


Once she gets comfortable with everyone, the game is over. In the first Mass Effect game, there are only two female options to romance: Ashley and Liara. Tali is not among them. A lot of people were disappointed with this, feeling Tali was the best girl in the game. I don’t know how I didn’t see this the first time I played through the game, I just went with Ashley. Now that I’ve gone through the entire series, she’s at the bottom of the list. But in Mass Effect 2, she becomes a romantic option and that’s when we really start to see her in a different light. She’s very shy and stumbles over her words a lot in the first game, by the second game she’s got a bit of a mouth on her. And that’s when we get to my favourite word in the entire series: Bosh’tet. There’s no direction translation for the word, but it’s essentially used in place of where you’d say shit, bitch, bastard, whatever insult you’d like. And Tali pulls it off flawlessly, sometimes out of nowhere, other times when you don’t want to fuck with her. And no matter how pissed off she is, it’s adorable to me every single time.

She’s definitely got the most real personality in the entire game. Ashley is a total bitch, Jack is fucking crazy, Liara’s very goody two-shoes (at least until the Shadow Broker DLC), Miranda’s got a great ass and Kasumi’s not an option, another disappointment for me. Samara’s also not an option, but she’s boring as fuck. And I’m never taking Morinth, so there’s no point mentioning her. I guess I could include Kelly Chambers and Samantha Traynor, but their roles are so minor, it’s hard to. But Tali is very real, she fluctuates from innocent, to shy, to downright pissed off. And when it’s hard enough to make her that real, you have to worry about the environmental suit. How she stumbles through her words with Shepard is adorable, and just watching how paranoid she gets when thinking about “linking her suit” with Shepard and the probably hundred different drugs and antibiotics she takes before it is just hilarious.


Which brings us to what would be the hardest part about pursuing a relationship with her if she was a real person. So many questions arise from the fact Quarians are so susceptible to infections. Aside from getting fevers and such, something the game never mentions, obviously cause it’s not something you really go in-depth on it the game, but I ask the questions no one else does! Think about it, all the sexually transmitted diseases we can get in real life. What would the risks actually be having sexual intercourse with a Quarian, ESPECIALLY if it’s a gay relationship between two males. We know Tali gets pretty sick from just taking her helmet off and presumably making out with Shepard. What would happen if the entire suit came off, even if it was in a treated environment? Anyways, I’m asking too many questions here, I think.


To our surprise, near the end of Mass Effect 3, we actually get to see Tali’s face and in the end get an idea what the Quarians look like. Generally speaking, they are human with a few noted differences. One, their hands have only three fingers. Two, their feet only have two long toes. Three, from what we can tell from the photograph there are some odd marks on their bodies, they look almost like wires running along their skin. We have no way of knowing if these marks are on their entire body or just the neck and up. But in terms of everything else, they’re very much an altered human race. Because Tali’s the only example we have, we don’t know things like skin colour within the Quarian race, if their frames are built differently, if the bone structure and placement of organs is any different.

A lot of people felt like this was a major cop out on Bioware’s part, but I fail to see the problem here. How would have we all reacted if Tali took her helmet off and turned out to be some hideous tentacle face. The Quarian race could’ve looked a lot like the Covenant from the HALO series for all we knew, so unlike a lot of people out there who didn’t like the Photoshop’d version of a Shutterstock photo (I believe it was), I didn’t mind because it made me more into Tali. I would’ve been absolutely heartbroken if she was an ugly alien. I’ve already got enough to look at with the Turians, Salarians and Krogan. At least the Asari make us perceive them as what we prefer.

art by brinx-II
art by brinx-II

Tali is one of the most memorable female characters I’ve ever played alongside in a video game. After all she’s #3 on the Video Game Girls I’d Marry list. There’s so much to her character that makes her so interesting and so irresistible and this is all happening before I even have any idea what she looks like under that helmet! She’s cute, funny, strong and most important, your best friend. Regardless of whether you choose her romantically or not in the series, she’s like your best friend or a sister to you the entire way through. She’s a total sweetheart and I love everything about her.

She’s also got a great ass. You’re not the only one, Miranda.


Top 10 Games I’m Looking Forward to in 2016

2015 was a pretty good year for gaming, a lot of great stuff came out. But who gives a fuck, it’s 2016! So with that, let’s do the Top 10 games I’m looking forward to in 2016!



When I initially saw the concept of No Man’s Sky, I was blown away. Now those parts of me that were lost have returned and haven’t felt much wind since. Because the game is getting closer and closer to launch and I still have not much of a clue what the game will actually be like in full, I’m becoming more and more skeptical as time goes on. Granted, the game looks fucking gorgeous, the art style is fantastic. But the game itself is still a bit dodgy, considering we don’t know much about it other than you explore and name things. If it’s more than that, awesome, if it’s not much more, that’s worrisome.


IT’S SO FUCKING CUTE!!! Seriously though, it’s really freaking cute! I would’ve actually been okay with just this announcement at Sony’s E3 conference, but I guess the Final Fantasy VII remake reveal was pretty good too. I’m not 100% sure what to expect from World of Final Fantasy yet, but at least in terms of its design, it looks like a fun little game to play. I just hope there’s at least some sort of cohesive story to it and not just chibi Lightning still being a bitch in it.


Another game I would put so much higher on this list, but over time its value has decreased based on what I’ve seen. Ubisoft alone based on their track record the past couple years is part of it, but the constant pushing back of the game’s release date is also a little worrisome. Though I’m still very excited about the potential this game has to keeping my attention much like Destiny has been doing, just instead as a realistic 3rd-person shooter. Though to be more addictive than Destiny is a feat I’m not sure anything can do to me right now.


This is a game that continues to interest me the more I see of it. The idea of being alone in the beautiful, yet slightly unnerving environment is really interesting. The fact you have someone talking with you the whole time counterbalances that alone feeling too, so you’re not stuck experiencing one side of the emotional spectrum. The “story” that we’ve seen so far is very interesting and I cannot wait to play this game when it releases, it sounds and looks like a nice, short experience.


My brain still continually tells me this game will likely be okay at best, but I cannot help myself for being as excited as I am for this game to come out. The initial trailer at E3 this year had me hooked, I love the world, I love the concept, I love the battle mechanics and I love the main character. Everything about this game so far spells awesome to me, but only a matter of time will tell. It’s also been very quiet since about this game, so that could be taken as a bit of a bad sign. We’ll just have to wait and see.


I’ve liked Fire Emblem games since they started coming out on the GBA in North America, but when Awakening came out on the 3DS, that was it, the series had me hooked. And yes, it was partially because of the more casual mode where permadeath isn’t a thing (I’m really bad at these games, I kinda need it!). Fates is really exciting for me, though I’m still a bit miffed about the two separate copies. But if the games are good enough to be worth the asking price, I’m all for it.


I had almost zero intentions of playing the game at first, mainly because ever since Final Fantasy XII, Square has shown me that they’ve forgotten how to make a good Final Fantasy game. But then the demo for XV came out and I shut the hell up, it was fantastic, I love the new battle system, it’s far more intensified now. I’m not 100% sure how I feel about the main cast, I really didn’t get a good idea as to what they’re all about. But I did get Cidney (Cindy). And I’m pretty happy about that.


So you’re telling me that my favourite series of the past decade in Shin Megami Tensei is getting mixed together with one of my other favourite series of this past decade in Fire Emblem?! Nintendo didn’t ever have to show me any game footage, I already had pre-order plans for this game. And I don’t pre-order shit anymore.


Like I just said, my favourite series of the past decade and the Persona games are the reason for it. Persona 3 was fantastic and Persona 4 was fucking phenomenal. By that logic, Persona 5 is going to blow me away. The music already is as great as it has ever been, the art design is beautiful and weird as fuck at the same time, the characters look awesome and interesting and of course the gameplay looks solid, somehow even better than Persona 4. I’m ready, Atlus. Take me.


This game is slotted for Q4 of 2016. I don’t believe for a second that date will last, my best case scenario is March of 2017 to be honest. But that won’t stop me from listing this as the easy #1 pick for the game I’m looking forward to the most in 2016. The Mass Effect trilogy was an incredible (albeit a little weak on the ending) journey that introduced me to a ton of characters I’m in love with still to this day, tons of memorable moments and an entire universe I can’t wait to go back to. Here’s hoping when this game is released, it’s everything we ever dreamed of and more.


And that’s the list everyone! Hope you enjoyed it. As always if you have a different opinion, don’t hesitate to list your top 10s in the comments below!

This Week in Sexy Games: Mass Effect (A Look Back)


Remember that time Fox News made a giant spectacle of the original game’s “explicit sex scenes” that would ruin children and turn them into sexual deviants and rape every man, woman and child in sight?!

I do. I wish I didn’t.

Mass Effect is easily one of my favourite franchises of all-time. As of writing this article, I’m pretty sure it falls into the #2 spot behind Final Fantasy. It’s a game that encompasses everything I enjoy playing in video games. Lots of action, great storylines, fully fleshed out characters, a little bit of comedy thrown in and most importantly…TONS OF SEXY LADIES!!! *cue rave music*

Ahem! In all seriousness though, the games are fantastic works of art (because yes, video games are art, suck it parents, politicans and especially you, Jack Thompson) and deserve to be put up on a pedestal as one of the best written and built games of the past 10 years.

It of course, didn’t come without its share of “controversy” though.

The first game really rubbed the Christian Conservative Crazies the wrong way when kids (cause y’know the game wasn’t rated M for mature or anything…) could easily access lesbian sex scenes with full-frontal nudity. Even though it wasn’t full-frontal nudity, the best we’ve ever gotten is some Liara or Ashley side boob in the original game. It’s amazing how that scene pissed off a lot of people, yet I heard far less when seeing Cassandra‘s nipples or even Dorian‘s bare ass in Dragon Age: Inquisition. Also…YOU HAD TO PLAY THE GAME FOR OVER 50 HOURS TO EVEN SEE THAT SCENE!!! They even made claims that you controlled every action during that scene. Ah…professional journalism at its finest.

They half got what they wanted though in Mass Effect 2, there was no nudity at all. But BioWare certainly got their revenge in the third installment. “Oh what’s that? You don’t like our sex scenes? You know what’ll make us all come to a compromise? GAY SEX!!!”. And we got the Shepard/Cortez romance. I only mention that as gay sex because let’s be honest, a lot of men are fucking hypocritical by saying they’re against homosexuality, but you know they have zero issue watching two hot girls going at it.

So moving along from the controversy, I guess all that’s left is recalling my favourite moments that fall into the sexy category. Well I suppose we have to start with Miranda‘s ass, it’s not like you can get away from it, it IS glorious. Already mentioning Liara side boob from the original, she’s animated unbelievably beautifully in the 3rd game, it’s impossible not to stare at Liara and her perfect body/skin. Last but not least, I also enjoyed the far underrated Samantha Traynor. If I wasn’t already attached to Liara and/or Tali, she’d be up there. But you’re an ass kicking space marine, you gotta give the aliens your love first, it’s a rule!

In terms of things I wish we got though, I really wish we’d gotten a little more Kasumi, I absolutely adored her in the 2nd and 3rd games. Maybe a little more of Samara as well, after all Liara proved just how stunningly beautiful the Asari truly are. At the very least though, I’m glad there was no EDI romance scene, robots might’ve crossed the line for me if that’d happened.

The best part about all these romance scenes though? They almost all had a ton of emotion and meaning into it. It wasn’t just sex for the sake of sex (I’m looking directly at you, Ride to Hell: Retribution, you steaming pile of rapey sexist shit!), there was a strong bond that developed between the characters, the war they were fighting added to the drama of it and when the kiss finally happened, it meant something. And if it’s a relationship that carried on to the next game, it meant even more, you were rewarded with the admission from the game that you worked to develop that relationship, it wasn’t just forgotten and lost in translation.

Mass Effect does a wonderful job at handling romance and sex in video games. But Fox News is right, all they really did though is cause a bunch of minors to turn into rapists and sexual deviants.

You fucking idiots…*facepalm*