Tag Archives: Sheamus

WWE TLC: Review (from reading the results)

WWE-TLC

Remember how I said in my blog post when I stated I was only going to watch NXT for the foreseeable future? I’m still sticking to that. But that doesn’t mean I won’t keep up with the results of the main show. So I read the results for last night’s TLC pay-per-view and here are my albeit short thoughts on each match:

Pre-Show: Sasha Banks def. Becky Lynch – I heard they tried to have Sasha Banks do comedy, similar to New Day. Dear WWE Creative, do you watch anything from NXT to familiarize yourself with a performer and his/her character before he/she arrives on the main roster? If so, you’re not allowed to have any alcohol or drugs on the premises from now on, cause clearly you saw something that wasn’t there. They’re killing Sasha by having her do shit like this.

Least she won though, no thanks to two other women. Cause y’know on WWE television heels can’t be bad guys AND strong wrestlers that don’t need outside interference.

New Day def. The Usos & Lucha Dragons to retain WWE Tag Team Championships – Two things I heard. Xavier Woods was hilarious on commentary, which I take half and half, I’m sure he was funny, but I imagine he was a little overwhelming too. The other, apparently Kallisto had a deathwish, hitting the Salida del Sol from the top of the ladder onto another ladder. Sounds like they also destroyed most of the crowd’s vocal chords for the rest of the night.

New Day obviously should still be the champs, I think they should be keeping them until an NXT tag team arrives on the main roster, whether that’s Jordan/Gable or Cass/Enzo.

Rusev def. Ryback – Rusev wins. Next!

Alberto del Rio def. Jack Swagger to retain the WWE United States Championship – Why does this belt still exist? Just merge the US Title and the IC Title already, for fuck’s sake! We got the John Cena open challenges out of the way, now let’s do what should’ve been done two years ago!

Also Del Rio won. And Jack Swagger was on a pay-per-view. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…

Wyatt Family def. Team Extreme – Not only did the Wyatt family win against a bunch of guys way past their prime (don’t get me wrong, I love ’em, but still!), but the only one eliminated is the one who shouldn’t be in the company anymore. I can’t really complain with that result.

Now we’ll move onto the Royal Rumble where they’ll face team WCW and beat the holy fuck out of them too. Cause Vince would love nothing more than another opportunity to bury WCW.

Dean Ambrose def. Kevin Owens to become the new WWE Intercontinental Champion – *sigh* And thus begins the slow decline of Kevin Owens. It was good while it lasted. Unless WWE gets their heads out of their asses and have Sami Zayn surprise everyone by entering into the Royal Rumble (DON’T LEAK A SURPRISE FOR ONCE, YOU IDIOTS!!!) and eliminating Kevin Owens, thus restarting their feud from NXT. Otherwise, Owens is fucked.

I should be happy Ambrose is the champion, but the price we might be paying could be greater than the prize. Though with what happened in the main event of this show, perhaps he’s losing the title tonight on RAW.

Charlotte def. Paige to retain the WWE Women’s Divas Championship – Was Charlotte or Paige the heel? Was Charlotte or Paige the babyface? Was Charlotte or Paige supposed to be the cheater? Was Charlotte or Paige, oh fuck it I can’t do this any longer, my head hurts.

Charlotte should be a heel, but so should Paige right now, she comes off like a spoiled brat, bitchy entitled girl. So here’s an idea, WWE: push Becky Lynch as the top face (since you’re almost done completely ruining Sasha’s character) and get set to call up Bayley. Cause you have zero women people want to cheer for to win. The only cheering they’re doing is for the camera angles on their breasts and asses to get in real close.

Sheamus def. Roman Reigns to retain the WWE World Heavyweight Championship – It still hurts my brain beyond anything I’ve ever felt before to think this is the main event of the final pay-per-view of the year. From all accounts it seems like they put in a good effort, but the crowd just didn’t care because of A, the two men in the ring and B, everything in that match had already been done prior on the show.

The League of Nations interfere, Sheamus wins. Roman has no friends or family apparently, even though he and the entire WWE claim he does. But they sure as hell didn’t show up, you can’t expect me to believe Wade Barrett (who didn’t interfere along with Rusev and Del Rio) kept both Dean Ambrose and the Usos from helping Roman out.

Afterwards, Roman snapped and beat the holy fuck out of everyone, something he should’ve been doing from day one. How the fuck is it December of 2015 and they just realized this is the best Roman Reigns they can do?! What should happen tonight on RAW is he goes out and interferes in every match involving the League of Nations (no 6-man tags WWE, have them all with individual matches and spread them out so you have backstage vignettes where they freak out about Roman could come and beat the shit out of them too) and then in the end have him kayfabe injure Sheamus to the point Ambrose and the Usos come out to calm him down and then he turns on them and destroys them too.

Roman Reigns should not be a face or a heel. Just a man who has lost all sense of reality and punches everything that moves. The only person that matters to Roman is himself. No alliances with either heels or faces, just him. Everyone isn’t safe from him, not the babyfaces, not the heels, not the Authority, not the announce team, not the timekeeper, not the cameraman, not even the women Divas. No one.

Overall rating of WWE TLC (just from reading the results) – 4/10

Even reading about WWE is depressing

185_RAW_12072015cm_1856-3598390983_0_0

Really?! Tater tots?! I hate you so much right now, WWE…

I wrote an article two weeks ago about how I was going to stop watching RAW and Smackdown and just concentrate on NXT, the one WWE-branded product that hasn’t been insulting my intelligence this year. However that doesn’t mean I’m not keeping up with what’s going on, I just go through other channels, reading articles and podcasts, particularly Wrestling Soup and Solomonster Sounds Off. And everyone seems to be in agreement:

WWE sucks a massive bag of dicks right now.

Just hearing the words “tater tots” being used to describe in a nutshell the promo that was spoken by the person in the company right now who’s supposed to be “The Guy” according to the beyond out-of-touch Vince McMahon & Co. is just making everything even more embarrassing than it already is. Is it sad that the only thing people are really raving about from last Monday’s RAW was Sasha Banks twerking? And even that pisses me off cause they’re using her wrong too!

Is there anything on the show right now that they’re getting right? I’d say no, even including the New Day, who are starting to get a little over-exposed now. But they can’t figure out what to do with anyone not named Roman Reigns. Charlotte’s wavering between heel and face, Sasha Banks has been removed from the character that got her to where she is, as she’s now turning into the girl with the #booty. So many other guys and girls are either looking childish and poorly written, or they have nothing going on except for that they can wrestle a bit.

How is it that there are thousands of random fans and journalists/bloggers/podcasters who are thinking up better angles and ideas than the supposed genius of wrestling booking, along with a giant team of supposed experienced writers?! How the fuck is that even possible?! The majority of fans can’t write better than people doing Netflix/HBO original programming, so why is it that they can write wrestling better than the BEST company that does it?! It makes zero sense!

There’s a lot of discussion going on the wonder if maybe, just maybe Vince McMahon being his usual stubborn self and having his “I know what you really want” attitude running full-speed ahead is continuing on this downward spiral regardless of the ratings continue to drop, because he wants to prove his still knows what will work in the end. I’d hate to tell ya, Vinnie Mac, but when your ratings are lower than they’ve been in over 20 years, I don’t think it’s a matter of pride anymore. Sooner or later, something’s gonna give and I don’t know whether that’s sponsors pulling out cause of low ratings, your stock price lowering cause of the poor attendance and merchandise sales, or anything else that could be caused by this rapid decline, but something will cause an absolute breakdown if this doesn’t stop.

We’re not asking you to cave to every demand we have, just two of them: One, start writing stories and characters that are consistent and make sense. And two, stop insulting our intelligence. Is it sad that promotions that are solely centered on comedy wrestling still have far better stories than WWE right now? Take CHIKARA for example, they have more meaningful storylines than WWE and they’re all about fan interaction.

Most of all though, what we really want to see, is meaningful women’s wrestling. Not Divas wrestling, women’s wrestling. NXT has that (except when Eva Marie wrestles, then it becomes a natural disaster) and what happened because of it? This so-called Divas Revolution you also fucked up on. Companies like STARDOM in Japan, Shine and Shimmer in the US, they get women’s wrestling. How does a small company get it right and the one with millions of dollars can’t even get them to have a match without screaming at each other and pulling hair? It’s pathetic.

So yeah, it’s depressing to hear about almost anything WWE-wise. And like I said in my NXT article, I don’t want anyone moving up to the main roster now. Cause until Vince and his regime are gone, I don’t want them fucking my favourite wrestlers up.