Tag Archives: Winter

I Wish I Could Hibernate During The Winter

I am Canadian. I hate winter. It almost comes off as a sentence that should get me automatically deported from the country for saying. It’s almost like saying “I hate hockey”, which I believe IS a deportable offence, thankfully I do not hate hockey. It’s almost like saying “I hate maple syrup”, which personally I think you should be thrown in prison for, because if you don’t like maple syrup, especially on waffles and/or pancakes, you are a crazy person and we ought to throw you in prison, just on the safe side, y’know?

But yeah, I hate winter. I despise winter. I haven’t cared about the coldest season of the year since I was a teenager, still going out to steep hills at night with my friends and risking life and limb doing stupid shit like going down an icy ski hill in nothing but a crazy carpet. I have fond memories of winter days as a kid, but they aren’t necessarily filled with the common stuff. I never made my own snowman, as I didn’t have the patience for it. I may have raided other kids’ snow forts, but I never really built one myself. I might’ve built a wall, but never a whole fort.

Today at the ripe age of 29, this winter especially has reminded me as to why I am much more in tune with the warmer months of the year. I find myself a lot more irritable, a lot more miserable now that temperatures have gone below zero, now that I have to spend an extra 5-10 minutes taking the snow and ice off of my car in the morning before work. I find that the winter is nothing more than a number of months that test your fortitude and ability to not want to kill somebody out of sheer frustration. I mean, come on! The entire season is chalk full of shitty weather that makes every person around you forget how to drive, thus making your daily commute THAT much more dangerous, as if it needed to be any more dangerous already (that’s an article for another day).

The biggest thing of all is the most simple: I hate the cold. Plain and simple. If I had the choice of either freezing my ass off or sweating my ass off, I’ll take the heat any day. I equate it to my logic of that you would jump in a pool if you’re really hot, but you wouldn’t jump into a hot spring if you’re freezing cold. I also don’t like hot drinks very much, so drinking hot cocoa or something during the winter doesn’t have the same effect on me as drinking an ice cold pop in the summer. I just cannot stand the weather once the temperature drops below zero. It’s debilitating, you can’t focus and it can actually hurt when you’re really, really cold.

If I had the ability to do so, I’d hibernate through the entire winter. But y’know, the whole “needing money to pay bills” thing kind of gets in the way of that. Which really sucks, because I would finish so many video games that are just begging me to start playing them…

I Really, Really, REALLY Hate Winter!


So the first bit of snow fell last night. It didn’t last, as the temperatures rose the following day. But I had to drive that night for a co-ed hockey game and watching as there’s basically no snow on the ground except for a little white trim on the edges, people continue to do the same thing they do every year when the first snowfall hits: they drive like a bunch of fucking morons, as if they’ve never driven in the winter before.

That’s one of the many reasons why winter is without hesitation my least favourite season of the year. The major reason is what I just said, people turn off half their brains once snow hits the ground, both in terms of drivers and pedestrians. Statistically, this doesn’t hold up actually though, as fewer deaths from car accidents happen in the colder months, but granted that’s also because in spring and summer, people feel they have to be less careful on the road because the road doesn’t get slick when it’s beach weather. However, it doesn’t change the fact that people are still very dangerous as well in the winter time, pedestrians try to cross major streets the same way they always do, not taking into account stopping distances now start to increase because of ice, not to mention they can slip and fall during the crossing. But the most irritating thing is when you see drivers going extremely slow on the roads. Now I’m not talking the going 10 km/h slower kind of drivers, I’m talking the ones going half the speed limit when there’s no snow on the road and there isn’t ice either, they’re just freaking out because they see white on the sidewalks.

I absolutely understand the desire to be a little more careful, it’s winter, it’s colder and slippery outside. But just like there’s a risk when being careless, there is a risk when being too careful. When we drive on the road, the speed limit is what we assume people are going, what could happen when someone is going half that and we don’t notice how fast the rear end of their car is coming up? We’ll brake a little harder than usual and if the road’s a little slick, that’s when your well-being is in the hands of Lady Luck. In fact, I think by being too careful, you may not even be endangering your own life that much, you might just be endangering someone else’s though.

from The Shining (1980)

Now aside from the dangers, I’ll just admit it. Winter’s bullshit cause I hate the cold. I would far prefer sweating my ass off in the dead of summer than shivering in my car on the way to work in the morning. I’ve always said to people that summer is so much more manageable than winter. If you’re super hot, you can drink cold drinks, jump in a pool, hell even stepping into air conditioning and you feel better already. When you’re freezing, sure you’ve layered up, but once you’re freezing cold, you’ve got a wait on your hands before you warm up. You wouldn’t jump in a hot tub right away, most people wait a minute or so before drinking a hot cup of coffee, cause y’know the whole burning thing and when you go inside a warm place, you don’t feel warm instantly, you essentially thaw out and shiver a little bit more before your body adjusts.

And lastly, unless you’re the kind of person who loves to ski, snowboard, skate, sled or any other s-named winter activity (which I’m not), winter makes you want to do less. When are most people likely to want to go out: on a sunny day at 20-degrees (Celsius), or when it’s -20 and snowing? I’ll tell you how I feel about it, when it’s cold and especially when it’s also snowing, the chances of me leaving my house decrease exponentially. Why would I want to leave my nice, warm and comfy house to go outside and be extra careful when driving and freezing my ass off? Doesn’t really suit me, y’know?

So yeah, winter sucks. Now that the first bit of snow fell, my depression begins.

It’s That First Snowfall…


So you know what that means…DUMBASS DRIVERS!!! …Yeah!

Every year it’s the same thing, the first snowfall of the winter season arrives (and it was rather late this year, almost didn’t have one till 2016, not that I was complaining one bit) and everyone devolves into utter chaos on the roads. Accidents as far as the eye can see, traffic jams longer than Toronto sports championship droughts, just pure madness whenever you’re trying to go.

It baffles me how every year it’s the same thing. The majority of drivers every new winter season have experienced this before, did we all forget what it’s like driving with snow, ice and/or slush on the roads? You can’t tell me that it’s all new drivers or new residents who came from a country where snow was nothing more than a tale passed from generation to generation.

It’s not hard to drive on winter roads, even without winter tires and such. You don’t go really fast, you don’t go really slow. You don’t accelerate hard, you don’t break hard. It’s really not that hard to slowly reach the speed limit and leave enough space to come to a comfortable and complete stop. But no, we gotta speed cause we didn’t give ourselves enough time to get to whatever we need to get to on time. We gotta go slower than molasses because we’re afraid the slightest bit of speed will sudden send our car into outer space and die. We gotta tailgate people because fuck space!

All you dipshit drivers out there, you’re dumb as fuck. Get off the roads, I’d like to live through another winter, thank you very much.